First off, I must apologize. I've just realized that, apparently, I was sent to see Alfie to review the movie, not to exhaust my salivary glands while reveling in the inhumanly beautiful Jude Law.

And while, yes, I'm willing to obey and do my job, it just cannot be done without first discussing Law's potent sex appeal.

I was never before so blown away by him, but tonight I realized, hey, Jude is flawless. His eyes, his hair, his lips, his accent, his -- insert sigh here -- bum; it's more glorious than five Brad Pitts and an Orlando Bloom. In my book, he has just laid down the law -- sorry I couldn't resist -- of what hotness is.

Now as for the movie, it's no bad shag either. Alfie, if you don't know, is a remake of the 1966 film of the same title starring Michael Caine.

Law plays Alfie, an irresistible British playboy who is doing his best to find his way onto the divan of every beautiful woman in Manhattan.

Thinking he's got it all figured out, he hops from girlfriend to mistress to one-night stand practically daily, accepting gifts -- both material and emotional -- from each woman, but he is unable to give them anything in return.

He breaks heart after heart, has a cancer scare, a pregnancy with another man's fiancée, but he still is reluctant to change.

"I never want to hurt anyone," he says to a friend.

"But Alfie, you do," his friend replies.

The movie works hard at and succeeds brilliantly in not offering any quick fixes or explaining Alfie's behavior. There's no big cheesy moment to make it "all OK" or underplay his careless treatment of others.

Unlike the original, the stories of the supporting cast are essential, yet effectively underwritten, allowing the audience to understand the characters but connect most to Alfie. For this to work, however, with a cast so large, the actors have to have a clear understanding of their roles.

And do they ever.

By far the best thing the movie has going for it is its cast. Not a single actor misinterprets his or her part.

Susan Sarandon exemplifies that "50 is the new 40," Marisa Tomei is finally again in a role where her talent is useful, and with minor dialogue, Dick Latessa has made me an instant fan.

Omar Epps -- playing Alfie's best friend -- gives the best performance of his career with a single thwarted glare at Alfie.

Nia Long matches Epps' career high, perhaps because it's the only role she's ever had that allows her to be more than just a bombshell, but nonetheless, she plays her part like a seasoned veteran.

As Lewis Gilbert did in the original, director Charles Shyer takes a risk in having Law narrate the film by unconventionally addressing the camera. No easy task for an actor to pull off, Law seemingly effortlessly makes the audience feel as if he is talking directly to them -- which, I might add, is a wonderful feeling.

Though not clearly providing resolution to the question what it's all about, if you're lookin' for satisfaction guaranteed, Alfie is your man.