There is an evil washing over America. A vile, disgusting blackness that is encapsulating the young members of our society. This malevolence has no name. It has no face. It is whispered about in the darkest corners of the seediest bars and told to young children to scare them into being good.

The evil I speak of is even affecting you, right now, as you read this article.

In the next 24 hours, you will no doubt feel its icy grip on your soul. You will experience its awesome destructive power in ways you would have never imagined. It will poison your water, burn your crops and ravage your women.

OK -- I may be exaggerating just a little bit, but it will infringe upon every facet of your life, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

I am talking about the indestructible force of the sluggish, the tardy and the always-late.

You know whom I am talking about. The people who are never on time for anything, even if it means they suffer dire consequences. These people will completely disregard time in any way possible. They have been known to "forget" and "sleep in," not to mention the millions upon millions of creative excuses ... "Sorry man, I just saved a dog with three legs from almost getting hit by this car that had like ... wings or something!"

Now, it isn't exactly fair for me to be picking on these people. I'm one of them. I'm never on time for my classes, and most of my work done two or three days after it is supposed to be -- but I'm nowhere near as bad as some of these people.

Forget class. Forget work. That stuff isn't really important -- it doesn't hurt anybody. If you're late for class, the professor still gets paid. If you don't get your work done -- no one gets burnt but you.

These people don't stop there though. They are taking their tardiness to the next level by impeding on the people and places that make up the foundation of our society.

They feel no remorse, no shame, and most importantly, they feel no responsibility.

We'll call these people "slugs."

Everyone knows at least one or two of these people. When you invite them to go somewhere,
you tell them you are meeting 15 minutes earlier than you actually are just so that you have a chance to make it there on time.

They are the reason you spend an entire movie wondering what it is about because you missed the first 10 minutes, and the reason you have to stand in line for half an hour at the dining commons because you weren't able to beat the rush.

Slugs don't mind being late for anything. Parties, dinners, a game of basketball or a cup of coffee. They have no social consciousness, and no concept of what it means to be on time.

And if you are upset that they are late for something -- it is your problem, not theirs. A slug never asked for a schedule, and they will be damned if they will let someone like you give it to them.

I can't remember how many times a slug has complained to me about being late for a movie or concert after they have come half an hour after we had planned to meet.

I just stand there baffled -- the slugs honestly have no clue.

They have absolutely no grasp on reality, and unfortunately, they fail to realize how much this affects the world around them.

I like to make plans. I plan things for years in the future. Where I will go on vacation this summer, where I want to get married and what I will take with me on my first flight into space.

I make plans for just about everything.

However, more and more, my plans are being increasingly invalidated by inconsiderate lateness. I have found that it is almost worthless to make plans with people, because there will inevitably be someone who comes late and screws everything up.

And I don't know what to do about it. The more you complain, the more the slugs look at you like you're just whining about something stupid and unimportant. They live their lives without a clock, so they expect everyone else to do the same, and if you don't, you're the problem.

The only solution I can come up with is to quit playing their game. If a slug wants to be late, let them, but don't wait around for them to show their face.

Leave them a note that says "Should have been here when we told you to be" and don't let it concern you any further.

The slugs are going to have to catch on sooner than later -- otherwise, they risk completely ostracizing themselves from society.

Not that they would care, but at least then we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.

Who knows, if enough of them go away, I might actually be able to make it to a movie early enough to see the previews.