As I grow older, I've come to realize I will have plenty of time in my life for physical affection. I am, for all intents and purposes, on my own in this world now -- and with that comes the freedom to mack whenever I please.

I don't have to worry about making out in the corner of a party or ducking below the windows of my car when headlights pass by. My parents aren't going to catch me and her parents aren't going to ask where she has been.

I have all the time in the world (outside of those few classes that take attendance)-- so it makes sense that I try and keep my urges at bay when they aren't appropriate.

I'm just curious as to why everyone else at Penn State can't.

I was sitting in a class the other day (I'll stay ambiguous so as to protect the indecent, and myself) and the couple in front of me decided it was the opportune time to taste what the other had eaten for lunch. Completely oblivious to everyone around them, these two just start sucking face. I'm talking tongue push-ups, here.

Right in the middle of class.

Now -- I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever been turned on by a class at Penn State (OK - that might be a lie - there was that one time in English 200). What could have possessed those two is beyond me, but I guess they just had no other opportune time to share their passion.

That sounds like an exaggeration, but I'm not the only one who has witnessed similar behavior. Walk into any freshman forum class and chances are someone there can recount his or her story of "that one time that dude was totally making out with that chick down there."

It happens. I'm sure everyone has seen it (and subsequently laughed about it) at some point in his or her career here at Penn State. Those are the extreme cases, though.

Public Displays of Affection (known hereafter as PDA) comes in many forms here on campus. Aside from the "face-suckers," there are also the "kissers," the "super-huggers" and the "phone talkers."

The "kissers" are anywhere from innocent to malicious in their intent, and almost everyone is guilty of the offense at one time or another. From a kiss on the cheek to the just-a-little-too-long mouth to mouth, these people aren't trying to offend anyone, and most of the time, they don't. They make the occasional bike rider swerve out of their path and they tend to block traffic in congested areas -- but all-in-all, mostly harmless.

I don't mind the "kissers" so much, but every once in a while you get a "lip-smacker," and "lip-smackers" tend to give "kissers" a bad name, because not only do you have to see it, you have to hear it too.

The "super-huggers" are the people who, if naked, would qualify as being in a pornographic pose. Arms wrapped around here and there, they try to remain inconspicuous, but they always manage to draw at least a few awkward glances their way.

Apparently they just can't keep their bodies at arms reach for a couple hours out of the day.

When you walk by them, make sure to yell "hand check!" It's good times.

Or... I just might be a jackass. I don't really know.

Finally, there are the "phone talkers." The worst of the bunch. Although they barely fit under the PDA umbrella, they have a large enough effect on the populace that they must be discussed.

These are the people who speak in very loud and explicit terms. They explain how much they love their significant other, how much they miss them, and if the eves-dropper is lucky, how much the phone-talker needs their "sexy body."

Although it may sound innocent, these people are the most obnoxious in the bunch, and if you've ever lived in the dorms -- you know what I'm talking about.

These are the guys and gals who stand outside in the halls and at precisely 9:01 p.m., begin reciting Shakespearean lamentations to their loved ones.

The key for these folks is volume control. If they can keep it under a clearly audible level, no one will care and they can continue to speak their sweet-nothings. It's the loud ones (and I'm talking to you here, New Jersey) that really cause problems.

I'm all for the love thing. I think that a good, affectionate love life could have saved innumerable relationships, but there is a time and a place for it.

I don't want to have to try walking around a couple that is Velcro'd to each other in a hallway, and I really am not all that interested in seeing saliva trail in front of my field of vision when the couple in front of me in class peels apart to breathe.

You're on your own time here at Penn State. Make the most of it. Sprinkle rose petals around the bed and light a bunch of candles. Get creative with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Find exciting - private - places to get busy.

Enjoy the wonder that is the love... just, please, keep it to yourselves.