They say that in this life, all that is certain is death and taxes.
Joe Paterno playing up an opposing team, no matter how horrendous, is probably a close third.
The Penn State coach would always trot out in front of the microphones and cameras in September, ready to regale everyone with tales of mythical feats from the latest obligatory non-conference cupcake.
Quarterbacks with rockets for arms. Swarming defenses with indecipherable schemes.
Throw in a line or six about the perils of underestimating such a clearly dangerous team and there's the recipe for the whole press conference.
Once upon a time, everyone would just smile and roll their eyes.
"Toledo's a good football team," Paterno said on this week in 2000. "Very solid, very well coached and they have a lot of experience. The combination of the short week and Toledo is going to be tough."
Admit it. You probably laughed when he said it.
Or maybe you couldn't suppress a grin when he talked about the determination of some guy named Chester Taylor.
That would be the same Chester Taylor whose 141 yards rushing was just 25 off the Nittany Lions' total offense on that fateful home opener four years ago. The same Chester Taylor whose two touchdowns sunk the Lions in a 24-6 Rockets victory that wasn't even as close as the 18-point margin.
If there is a single more humbling moment in recent Penn State football history, it couldn't be this embarrassing to boot. Nothing else really compares. Not a blown call in the fourth quarter and not a questionable game plan in a New Year's Day bowl.
And now, especially after the numerous upsets last season, you look at teams from the Mid-American Conference and you give pause.
Maybe the ol' coach was on to something all along. The success of MAC teams has surprised many, but not Paterno.
"Surprised is a word that I am not quite sure I would use," Paterno said Tuesday. "If you understand the kind of athletes that are available now when we went to the 85 [scholarship] limit and you realize what kind of schools they are and the athletic traditions they have, you wouldn't be surprised."
These days, having that luxury of snickering at those early September matchups is long gone. Suddenly Akron comes up on the schedule and its quarterback Charlie Frye seems far more intimidating than he might have had this game been played a few years back.
The fans are on edge. They were restless for much of the first half in last year's opener against Temple and they were downright livid when Kent State took a 10-0 lead a few weeks later.
Now, anything short of a decisive win over the Zips may not be enough for an increasingly scrupulous fan base that desperately wants a return to how things used to be.
The players themselves don't seem to be particularly on edge, but there is still a definite uneasiness about this game and preparing for it. They're all anxious to just get on the field and put a hit on someone not wearing blue-and-white. More than that, they understand that this year, more than ever, they have no room for error in the season opener.
That idea is compounded by the fact that the Lions have struggled in each of their last four openers, the last two of which came against talent that was marginal at best in the University of Central Florida and Temple.
A similar effort this season isn't going to cut it. And the fewer distractions at this point, the better.
You can bet Paterno will reference the Toledo game more than once this week.
A stern warning of how a season can be derailed before it ever even gets on the track.
He started up the rhetoric a few days early this year, at his post-summer practice press conference on Aug. 27.
"We are not playing easy people," Paterno said. "Unfortunately, you guys don't know how good Akron is yet. But I do."
Whoops. Almost cracked a smile there.
None of that this year.
