What does William Shakespeare have that, say, Kevin Smith does not?

If you ask me, Shakespeare is just a few hundred years older.

Being a person who is in the habit of using movie quotes in everyday speech, I often wonder why that can be seen as juvenile, while someone who can quote some Shakespeare is considered to be brilliant.

I'll admit that I've seen Mallrats and Office Space more times than I can count, and I can go through both movies and quote them with a great deal of accuracy.

"Alas poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio," is a great line from Hamlet, but for my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when Michael Bolton sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."

I do not find the ability to quote Shakespeare on the spot terribly impressive. I never have. I've been memorizing things for years. What I am impressed by is the fact that being able to has weaseled its way into being one of the top displays of intelligence and refinement.

So I propose a change. I feel that it is time for the works of our time to be taken credibly.

Why must our culture be dominated by writers from hundreds of years ago?

In a time where things like gay marriage are shaking up the norm of society, I want another cultural revolution to take place.

For this proposition to be taken seriously, we have to show the parallels between the works of then and now.

Apparently, Shakespeare is like a fine wine -- it only seems to get better with age. Over the last few centuries, his image has seemed to change. Most would not dream of comparing the content of movies today with the elegance of Shakespeare's works.

It seems that a few hundred years also dulls the memory, as Shakespeare's stories had as much violence, sex and outlandish behavior as anything to which we are accustomed.

No? How about two teenagers who fall into a forbidden love that results in the violent deaths of a number of their friends and family, including their own suicides?

Nope, it's not The O.C., it's Romeo and Juliet.

Kevin Smith has often said he writes what he knows is funny.

Shakespeare was no different. He knew his audience and put crude sexual humor into nearly every play he wrote.

We've held Shakespeare in such high regard that he's turned into this Golden Calf of literature. We might as well start to call him Mooby.

Since his works are so old, there's this academic aura that surrounds them because they are studied and analyzed in such depth.

But old does not mean good.

What if I throw it back even further and speak the way they did a few thousand years ago instead of a few hundred? "Me Andrew, write column."

Is Shakespeare more socially relevant? While past works are used to display comments on aspects of society and humanity, one can hardly count out movies of today for having just as many cutting remarks regarding a variety of today's issues.

If someone seriously tries to tell me that Peter and his co-workers do not wax intellectually about societal issues in Office Space, I may very well have to stink-palm them the first chance I get.

So both old and new have appealing content to all levels of society. Both have topics that are relevant to their current day.

I just hope that it doesn't take 400 years for asking a girl to marry you when Jaws pops out of the water to be as romantic as saying a few lines in iambic pentameter.

My honest opinion is that quoting something is not really a sign of intelligence, because anybody can memorize a line or two.

The real skill comes in using the quotations in the proper context, regardless of their origin.

For example, if you're doing some shopping down on South Fraser Street and some people try to mess with you, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?" doesn't really fit the scene, as classy as it may sound.

However, using a line from Mallrats like, "You f----s think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some s--?! I'll take all you on!" would be vastly more appropriate.

I just want to see an end to bias against our cultural icons and debunk the myth of Shakespeare being this epitome of class and elegance.

I mean, come on, Andrew Dice Clay rhymed, and he is anything but sophisticated.

But who knows, maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to truly understand or appreciate the works of people like Shakespeare, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh.