"And now a public service announcement from Playboy TV":

Wow! I never realized how little I knew about the world of sex before I read Guide to Getting it On! by Paul Joannides.

This 800-page "whopper" of a sex manual has everything from fun facts to sex position guides to steamy black and white penis, uh, I mean pencil sketches!

Did you know that there have been 1,230 bra patents awarded between the years of 1863 and 1969?

Or that in Papua, New Guinea, sagging breasts are more honored and respected than perky pairs?

Or that "janey" is lesbian slang for the vagina?

The book's 58 chapters cover a wide variety of topics, including "Sunsets, Orgasms & Hand Grenades," "Doing Yourself in Your Partner's Presence," "Fun With Your Foreskin" and "Sex When You Are Horny & Disabled." Being a Penn Stater, I paid special attention to the chapter titled "Gnarly Sex Germs."

And did I mention the pictures?

It's like cartoon porn, only better! The book contains black and white drawings of everything from swollen prostates to couples having sex while holding their baby. Hot!

Confused about a sex term you've never heard of before? Check out the 40-page glossary in the back.

For example, men would never want to "pop a cod," which is to seriously injure a testicle, or suffer from "white man's disease," which is when a person has absolutely no sense of rhythm.

Is your significant other pregnant? No problem! Getting it On! solves all of your problems by soothing fears about potential physical and emotional repercussions of doing the nasty during any trimester. It even suggests a few methods on how to keep things hot in the bedroom during those nine long months.

Are you afraid that your dirty fetish is too lewd to discuss?

Fear not, because Getting it On! also devotes a couple chapters to some wonderfully kinky and erotic fixations that will make your passion for sucking dirty toes seem like hugging!

Guide to Getting it On! even uses cute icons of sheep to bullet its lists!

My personal favorite chapters were "When Your System Crashes" and "Dyslexia of the Penis."

They showed me all the terrible things I have to look forward to as my genitalia and I age with grace. I need to start doing my Kegel exercises ASAP. Or buy myself a penis pump, which is safer and more effective than the average person believes.

The book is so in-depth that it even splits up chapters involving oral sex on each of the sexes.

I know there are quite a few ladies and gentlemen out there who could benefit from the tricks of the trade discussed in the pages within -- I know I did!

Whether you're the Virgin Mary or Ron Jeremy, you'll be entertained and educated for hours by Guide to Getting it On! Grab a loved one and get it on!