After waking up covered in Sharpie from the Wednesday night rager he attended, Moe realized that he needed to, once again, make his way to campus and share the knowledge that belonged to the rest of the student body just as much as it belonged to him.

Despite washing his face several times, Moe returned to the steps of the Willard Building with eyeballs drawn on his eyelids and what resembled a faded sausage and several signatures on his cheeks.

Old Main signaled the noon hour, and when it was through, Moe yelled, "I have returned with the remaining commandments."

Once again, a small crowd began to gather, and Moe spoke with great conviction as he revealed the other five Commandments. And it was good.

VI. Thou shalt leave cheesy/clever away messages.

"If thou hath a computer and Internet access, then thou shalt not leave a message simply saying, 'In the shower.' Thou must say something like, 'Hosing myself down the only way I know,' or 'Wet and naked ... What are you doing?' If thou art leaving the house for campus, then thou can not simply say, 'At class.' Instead, thou shalt say something along the lines of, 'Why does at class rhyme with sux ass?' or 'A is for academics, B is for beer. One of these reasons is why I'm not here.' "

VII. Thou shalt purchase school apparel.

"Once thou art accepted into a college, thou must buy a hoodie or pair of shorts with the school name or logo upon it. Thou shalt wear these garments to class practically every day because it is the easy thing to do. Thou shalt also refrain from washing these pieces of clothing for weeks at a time because they are simply 'class clothes.' Girls may purchase shorts with the school name across the butt; however, as sure as the sky is blue, under no circumstance may guys wear these shorts."

VIII. Thou shalt take the walk of shame.

"A time will come when thou will wake up in the company of another who does not wish to take them home. Thou may also wake up in awkward places, such as under a table or in a bathroom. Worse yet, thou may wake up to find out someone has used thyself as a table or a bathroom. If thou doth not have cab fare, he or she shall walk home, stinking of smoke and cheap booze. Thy clothes shall be in disrepair and thy head will ache with the burning question, 'What the hell happened last night?' But fear not, for these incidents will give thee great stories to tell friends in the future, which will be met with laughter and joy. Or possibly great tears and woe if a trip to thy doctor is necessary."

IX. Thou shalt consume beer creatively.

"When thou becometh tired of the common -- 1. open 2. drink 3. discard can -- process of drinking, thou shalt come up with new ways to consume beverages. Defy the laws of gravity and chug directly from the keg whilst being propped upside-down with legs held high whilst friends chant numbers in your ear. Better yet, have a friend pour mass quantities of beer from the roof of thy house, or at least a top-story window. All thou hast to do is catch the beer in thy mouth whilst wearing a Viking helmet. The inebriation express will be right on time."

X. Thou shalt have a great time.

"Despite term papers, midterms, finals, crazy relationships, projects, meetings, constant noise, lack of sleep, terrible food, tiny dorms, platinum-priced text books, weird professors, a liver the size of Ireland and getting sick for no apparent reason randomly throughout the year, at the end of it all, thou shalt look back, smile and say, 'I had a great time.' "

Once again, the bell at Old Main rang and Moe lowered his head and left. The crowd was bewildered but excited and went on about their daily lives as college students. And it was good.