All joking aside, there is a problem in America, and it needs to be discussed before it gets out of our hands and into the hands of cosmetic surgeons everywhere. And while I'd love to poke fun at Hollywood and the celebrities who I publicly denounce but secretly enjoy, I think our self-image is more important than whether Britney really had that infamous boob job.

There is no denying that image is important to human beings. When it comes down to it, we all have an innate desire to feel beautiful. If you were to strip us down to our flesh, without any remnants of the objects we use to identify ourselves, we would all scramble in a Darwinian fashion to look better than the naked person next to us.

It's the "keeping up with the Jones' " idea that we learn as kids: You don't need what everyone else has. You are beautiful all on your own. Just because Kelly Clarkson has a nose ring doesn't mean you need one.

Those platitudes are fine in a society that really believes them. In America, however, our self-image has become so distorted that we allow the media to dictate what is beauty. According to the media, "keeping up with the Jones' " is nothing compared to keeping up with Jennifer Aniston's hairstyles. With recent and apparently astounding news that America has an obesity problem, the media has been hungry to tell people about their fatness.

Report after investigative report has said, "America is Fat and Fatter." Or, "American's Children: Fatter than Ever." "Slim Down Now." "Atkins or Die.

"Nothing, though, is more disturbing than the new wave of reality television focusing on beauty. Sure, reality TV seems to take the brunt of most of the blame about why our society is headed for the trash heap, but this goes beyond dating shows and the intrigue of Donald Trump's comb over.

Fox is about to unleash its newest venture into reality television: The Swan. The show follows a handful of "ugly" women as they embark on three months of surgery, makeovers and life-changing tasks created to improve their life. At the end of every episode, two women will be revealed -- in what Fox calls "fairy-tale turned reality" -- to their family and friends. Sounds pretty harmless, huh?

Not exactly. The butchering of America's self-image doesn't end there, because only one of the two women can be chosen to participate in the "1st Annual Swan Pageant." Yes, this series will culminate in a two-hour beauty pageant, where one of the former "ugly ducklings" will be turned into the "Ultimate Swan.

"Fox's Web site for The Swan claims the contestants were chosen from women "seeking a second chance in life." Silly me! I always thought being the "ugly duckling" was cool. You're only really alive once you've gone under the knife. But even then, you still aren't beautiful enough; only one person can be the "Ultimate Swan.

"I wonder if that's based on how ugly you were to begin with or how much you look like everyone else?

Speaking of looking like everyone else, MTV just began its newest documentary style show, I Want a Famous Face. On Monday's half-hour show (I swear I only watched in the name of research), Mia underwent surgery to receive breasts implants in order to look more like Britney Spears. Mia, a self-proclaimed Britney impersonator, was convinced that new breasts were all she needed to take her "entertainment career" to the next level.

MTV clearly states that it did not pay for the surgeries. The cable network even inserted a short segment about a 21-year-old who had become extremely ill from silicon breast implants. Still, I couldn't help but be sickened by the way I Want a Famous Face legitimizes Mia's ridiculous quest to be more like Britney Spears. She kept emphasizing that she was having the surgery for herself, but then she'd go to the mall and sign autographs for kids who thought she actually was Britney.

C'mon now. After all, Mia will always be a Britney Spears impersonator. She might get a million more surgeries to look like her idol, but in the end, she'll still hate herself.

What does Mia's story say to the thousands of easily influenced 15-year-old girls who worship Britney and MTV? For that matter, what does The Swan say to an even larger audience?

You are not going to be good enough until you look like somebody else. You are not going to be beautiful unless you get plastic surgery. And even then, someone will always be more beautiful than you.

Still think obesity is America's biggest problem?