I've never been to Europe, and there's at least a reasonably good chance you haven't either. Luckily there's Eurotrip, a new movie distilling the entire European experience down to a couple of dirty jokes and a few culturally insensitive conventions. It's like you're really there!

Eurotrip, not surprisingly, starts at a high school graduation. There's a breakup. There's a party. There's an underdeveloped long-distance relationship to be explored, and an impulsive, life-changing decision to be made. And then, there's a trip to Europe (so that's where they got the name!). This movie is exactly like: American Pie. Road Trip. Can't Hardly Wait. I could go on.

Oh, and the main characters: there's the endearing, identifiable lead; the wisecracking, troublemaking sidekick; the surprisingly attractive, tomboyish female friend (played, I must mention, by a very grown-up Michelle Trachtenberg, who's come a long way from Harriet the Spy); and her bookish, know-it-all twin brother. I'm not sure they've ever made a movie with characters like these before! Wait, no. I'm sure they have, and I think it was marketed toward teens. Hey, just like this movie!

Then there's the plot! The kids, as mentioned, go to Europe. They want to go to Berlin, but things keep happening to keep them from Berlin. Then, they get to Berlin. And then they leave. I hope I didn't give too much away! Really, though, that's all that happens.

And let's not forget the stereotypes! Everyone's here, from the drunken British soccer hooligans to the crazy French mimes, from a sleazy, effeminate Italian to impoverished, clueless eastern Europeans! It's a veritable smorgasbord of racial overgeneralization! I don't know about you, but I get at least slightly uncomfortable watching a young German boy marching around with a Hitler moustache (because, you know, that's pretty much exactly how the real Hitler got his start). We tend to think these European stereotypes are really funny, but if this were, say, Afrotrip, it'd never get made. I'm not saying life needs to be 100 percent politically correct, but making "innocent" movies painting Europe as a continent full of dangerous, one-dimensional eccentrics isn't going to help the fact that they already hate us for making up the war in Iraq. Did I say that?

There's also a bunch of gratuitous nudity, bad dialogue and bland punk music. Just like the real Europe!

Look, I'm probably the last guy who should be reviewing a movie like Eurotrip. I admit, I didn't laugh once, and not even David Hasselhoff gently crooning in German during one of the love scenes could change that for me. People in the theater with me seemed to be having a good time, and it delivers exactly what it promises: a teen sex romp set in Europe. Sure, almost all the humor is really racist, and sure, it's an exact composite of Road Trip and American Pie. If you like that sort of thing, well, here's another one. Enjoy, kids.