Peek-a-boo! I -- and roughly 140 million American viewers -- see you!
Despite a thrilling Super Bowl that featured back-and-forth action and a gut-wrenching finish, the pigskin triumphs of the New England Patriots and Carolina Panthers were solar-eclipsed by a halftime hullabaloo that gobbled up any and everyone's attention with the game's conclusion.
For those who preferred the Food Network or were hiding in a cave in the Afghan mountains, Janet Jackson's bare breast popped up and out of viewers' screens during her halftime performance, in what has been termed a "wardrobe malfunction" by wordsmith/vocalist Justin Timberlake.
Perhaps Jackson's nipple truly was the "special guest performer" CBS and MTV had been billing for the better part of a week leading up to the performance. Justin who?
The revealing shot of Jackson has the public frothing mad, looking to identify the network boob(s) responsible for letting it happen. And the media, desperately seeking to feed the abnormal appetite the public has for the Jackson controversy, has obliged.
Forget the Democratic primaries, which came closer to filing down the challenger to President George W. Bush in the 2004. Forget the suicide bombs that ripped through Iraq. And you can certainly forget Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's announced plan to remove all Israeli settlements from the Gaza Strip.
What headlines shined the brightest in American newspapers and news telecasts come Monday morning?
The ones raving about Jackson's headlight.
USA Today, CNN, FOX News, Internet sites and countless other news sources ran either full-blown headlines or sizable teasers to the "story." One news channel, which may remain unnamed, ran a frame-by-frame breakdown of the bustier-rip-heard-around-the-world.
Why? Why the need to cover and analyze and hammer a stunt that belongs on the 11 p.m. lineup of Cinemax into Americans' heads?
Yes, Jackson and counterpart Timberlake pulled a tasteless move by exposing herself to 140 million viewers, many of whom were families with younger children. Jackson should be ashamed and embarrassed by her conduct. Then again, she's not even the most embarrassing character in her family.
Regardless, the whole situation smacks of dirty public relations.
Jackson has tried to defend those in charge of the show by accepting blame: "My decision to change the Super Bowl performance was actually made after the final rehearsal. MTV, CBS, the NFL had no knowledge of this whatsoever, and unfortunately, the whole thing went wrong in the end."
Went wrong?
Janet, you got precisely what you wanted. Now there's an avalanche of buzz surrounding your name and persona -- just in time for your oddly-named and soon-to-be-released album Damita Jo.
And that's precisely where the problem lies. By giving more merit to this debacle of a performance, the media has helped sell an image and an album.
Does the public truly need to have constant updates of the situation?
Yep, her nipple is still there.
Better yet, what deeper meaning can we draw from this news coverage?
Maybe that Jackson's blazing sun nipple clamp/ring looks like it hurt.
Sadly, there's nothing to learn here except how to Britney-ize your album with outrageous hype and awful press.
If you think the Federal Communications Commission will do anything to CBS because of this incident, think again. CBS will cover its own hide, enforce some sort of sanctions upon itself and try to recoup several of the bruised advertisers who pump money into the network. Calling it a slap on the wrist would be too harsh.
If the media chooses to cover the silly happenings of a Super Bowl halftime show, why not look at Kid Rock's blinding stupidity in wearing an American flag that had been sliced into a poncho during his performance? While troops are in Iraq and anyone who so remotely misuses the American flag is flamed, Kid Rock is allowed to sing of being a "real American" while draping the object of his affection around his neck.
What the "Bawitdaba" is with that?
Or why not cover the utter absurdity of the halftime performers insisting on taking the nation's viewers into a time warp?
P. Diddy, blasting out his crusty hits from more than five years ago, used the performance to sing of his greatness by reworking the lyrics to Toni Basil's "Mickey." Well, here's a little ditty for Diddy:
"Hey Diddy, you were so fine / You were so fine in '99 / Hey Diddy (clap clap clap)! / Hey Diddy (clap clap clap)!"
The media made a tremendous mistake in giving Janet Jackson and her breast so much press. But maybe it was simply playing to the American public's taste -- or distaste, for that matter.
Despite it all, there is one thing throughout this farce that can be said with certainty:
I saw Janet Jackson's boobie!
