I'm a sucker for bad movies. I'm as likely to go see the latest Tom Hanks drama as I would Carrot Top's most recent direct-to-video bomb (Chairman of the Board, anyone?). So it is with great pleasure that I recommend to the Penn State masses that Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! is one of the best bad movies I've seen in a long time.

This movie sucks so much, it blows. I knew I had made a potential mistake when I did a head count in the theater and saw that there were only three "men" (including myself) along with close to 40 estrogen-emitting females.

Our wonderful adventure begins in none other than West Virginia, where buddies Rosalee (Kate "I'm a Bimbo" Bosworth) and Pete (Topher "I'm This Film's Only Saving" Grace) spend their days working at the local Piggly Wiggly. Rosalee has a major crush on the Hollywood hunk after which the movie is titled. Pete has spent his life doting on Rosalee, but alas, has yet to reveal his feelings for her, and Rosalee, dumb as a fence post, has yet to become aware of those feelings.

Tad Hamilton (Josh Duhamel), of course, doesn't quite live up to his gentlemanly image portrayed on the silver screen. Rosalee fails to realize this when she wins a contest to spend an evening with him, leaving Pete at home sweating bullets. If the movie had ended here, we'd have an Oscar contender.

Unfortunately, we're not that lucky. The film's opening is entertaining; Pete sits and verbally bashes a corny Tad Hamilton movie for its clichés. The problem is, the movie that we folks in the real world have to watch falls into the same trite pattern that Pete makes fun of. It would've worked if the filmmakers had attempted to keep a kind of tongue-in-cheek humor throughout the whole movie, but like most modern "romcoms," it just takes itself too seriously.

The plot thickens (and by "thickens," I mean "slows to a halt") when Tad decides that Rosalee is the one person in the world who can help him be a better man. Their platonic relationship steams up, leaving wussbag Pete depressed enough to make preteen girls utter "awwwws" that would make a Full House audience pale in comparison.

I had to ask myself, why in the name of John Hughes would Pete even fall for a girl like Rosalee? Sure, she's easy on the eyes, but she also has the common sense to fall for a jackhole of a movie star while ignoring reality.

The plot and dialogue became so painful that at one point, when I glanced at my two movie-going comrades (both female), I saw one with her eyes covered and the other with her hands over her ears, while I had my hands across my throat in a chokehold. It was a twisted version of "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." Both of my friends informed me that I owed them big time for dragging them to this atrocity.

But maybe one man's trash is another man's treasure, and Tad Hamilton! did give me plenty of laughs for an hour and a half -- just not at the parts it intended to.