That's right, I saw Torque. I paid for my ticket, sat down in the theater and took it all in. If at any point you start to take Torque seriously, you're going to miss the point. It's deadly stupid and easy to make fun of, sure, but that's what makes it awesome. You won't take anything away from Torque other than a good time, which is why these sarcastic (but ultimately loving) notes I scribbled to myself in the theater ended up as the best way I can explain exactly why you should shell out five bucks to go see it. Seriously, though, you should. This is your brain on Torque:

• I wish I knew how motorcycle gang wars start. There's more drama in the transportation industry than I ever would've thought.
• Does Ice Cube really think we take him seriously as a tough guy anymore? He was in Barbershop and all three Friday movies. You, sir, do not have the range of an Exit Wounds-era DMX.
• The guy from Glitter is in this. Why do I know that?
• So the main character went to Thailand to avoid the wrath of a motorcycle gang? Motorcycles can't drive to Asia from here.
• For being such a smart, talented guy, Ice Cube delivers bad dialogue like it was King Lear. He doesn't flinch once in this movie. Maybe I was wrong about his range!
• I may hate them in my everyday life, but, man, I totally approve of Hoobastank as motorcycle chase music.
• Wait, so, this guy Cary is a Buddhist? Well, that'd explain the gunplay.
• If this movie had a video game, it would be like switching off levels in Excitebike and Double Dragon. That's awesome.
• Martin Henderson's acting makes Vin Diesel look like Paul Walker. I think that's an insult. Whatever.
• You know, the Southwest looks an awful lot like that place where the Ewoks live, when you're on a motorcycle.
• Product placement: Doritos. Makes sense, I guess. This movie is both bold and daring.
• Ice Cube hangs a man with a motorcycle? I'm seeing this again.
• I hope someday Torque is recognized as the most impressive looking movie ever filmed. It deserves it. There are some shots in this film David Fincher and Quentin Tarantino would kill to get in their more high-minded fare. Even the stupid, obviously computer- animated crap is so fun and exciting; it never turns into 1,000 fighting Agent Smiths.
• I even believe this love story! God, this movie is great. Even ending with a Nickelback song doesn't ruin it!

I know Torque looks stupid. I know it's badly acted and terribly written and 2 Fast 2 Furious was lousy so you think you've had enough of dumb chase movies. But Torque is a completely different beast; it's visually astounding (I'm really not lying when I say it's the finest looking movie I've ever seen, and I've seen my share), legitimately exciting and the best bad Ice Cube movie since Ghosts of Mars. It just plain rocks. And sometimes, that's all you need in a flick.