When I volunteered to write this column, I was originally planning to write about how rude it is when folks start packing up and shuffling papers before class is over, while the instructor is still talking. Yeah, I was going to get all preachy and sanctimonious about how it's inconsiderate, disrespectful and a waste of other people's time.

Well, when I sat down to actually pound this thing out, I turned on the TV for background noise. The first three channels I flipped to just weren't providing the appropriate background noises. Neither did the next one. Or the next one.

Since I couldn't really focus on the whole column writing bit, I thought I'd put in some quality time with the ol' quack box -- you know, to focus on finding some quality background noise.

The channel flipping continued. And let me tell you, it was like a whole new world opening up in front of me. OK, it's still important at the beginning of the semester to point out that perhaps students could wait the extra two minutes for class to actually finish before packing up; but let's face it, 12 inches of me lecturing isn't too exciting.

On the other hand, channel surfing is awesome! Now, you might be wondering why I hadn't discovered this wonderfully unproductive past time earlier in life -- actually you probably aren't wondering that at all. Pretend you are. My parents never invested in cable because they were worried about their children's minds being poisoned by half-naked people on MTV. So the amount of channels I had to surf was extremely limited.

We got NBC, FOX, ABC (with fuzzy reception) and CBS. My choices were pretty much limited to Dan Rather, Oprah or Scariest Animatronic Limb Attacks IX. Not that only having four channels really mattered because our remote control was usually lost, broken or sans batteries.

I haven't been totally unexposed to the wonders of the clicker, though. The boyfriend really enjoys channel surfing. And, well, he should. He has both satellite and cable, which means he gets something like a bazillion channels of every genre. I go over to his house and he shows me how to work the remote like it's an extension of his life force. I mean the man knows how to work it. Unfortunately, channel surfing, ironically enough, is not a spectator's sport.

It's just not exciting when the person who's surfing limits the viewing to two seconds of Sportscenter, two seconds of Predator, two seconds of mullet-waving VH1 Classics and two seconds of hockey. Rinse and repeat.

Pretty much two seconds of anything with post-game analysis, scoring records, guitar solos or Ahh-nold running around a jungle, impaling people. Lots of guy stuff.

Well, now I have cable and a functional remote control. Yeah baby, yeah. It's like the shackles of limited viewing have been removed and I'm free to poison my mind all I want. One minute I'm watching the archaic Julia Childs -- I didn't even know she was still alive -- pounding filet mignon with Martha Stewart and some French dude. The next, there's a zoologist man-handling a 170-pound anaconda, which probably ate her after I switched channels to hear the wonderfully witty phrase, "I'm gonna mess your monkey ass up."

There is so much to learn from not watching things in their entirety. In tribute to recently deceased Keiko the whale, Free Willy II was on, and I didn't want to watch the end to find out if my poor flop-dorsaled friend died in the fiery oil spill or not. I clicked. Willy's gone. Now I'm on Lifetime, where for the first time ever a man isn't beating a woman up -- he is actually hitting another man.

Another click. HGTV prices priceless antiques. Did you know that sometimes baskets can be worth $82,000 because, to quote the appraiser, "it's huge?" Who says that underwater basket weaving wouldn't get you anywhere? It is useful, particularly if you are specializing in large baskets.

The only troubles I had when practicing the surf was not getting too attached to any one program. This happened twice. First, when I reached TLC and Hilda was decorating a room entirely with cardboard on Trading Spaces. And then when one channel was showing Groundhog Day. But I broke with my feminine yearnings to settle down with the show and maybe have a few kids, and instead returned to more non-committal channel flipping.

The point is, if you've never not watched a lot of shows in a row, give it a whirl. Pull up a chair, slouch appropriately, stretch your index fingers and work the "CH" button.

Oh yeah, and thanks for not packing up before the end of the column.