The Cat in the Hat was a very short book -- movie, hour and a half long.

Do the math and you will agree, to make a Seuss film was wrong.

From the very beginning, the flick was a bore.

Neon colors hurt my eyes; I couldn't take anymore.

But what to expect, with a life-sized cat,

A costume quite ugly except for his hat?

Let me back up though and explain the basics

In case you were a child deprived of the classics.

Two kids need a sitter so a large cat does arrive

At a house so tidy and neat, to make a huge mess by five.

The rest of the tale is a clean-up adventure

Where two siblings learn to love each other.

(So some rhymes here are weak but so was this show,

No good for kids, teens, adults or families -- oh no!)

Allusions were made to politics, profanity and sex

Kids wouldn't get it; even so, what could be next?

The costumes were scary: Thing One, Thing Two and the cat

And the narration rhymed... sometimes. What do you think about that?

I'll tell you really, Mike Myers' act let me down

It was torture to watch and I ached from a long severe frown.

There was a short cameo by Jack from Will and Grace,

But even his role was mundane and seemed out of place.

The bottom line is, if this film had potential, it failed

To be cute, funny, entertaining, and prevailed

Only in wasting my money, time and yours

Better to take your cash to the stores.

It's the holiday season and there are many ways

To show friends and family you want them to stay

So entertain guests with some other venue

This advice is a gift this season from me to you.