The last place that I wanted to be yesterday at 2 p.m. was the Bryce Jordan Center watching the No. 8 Penn State women's basketball team get killed by No. 2 Texas.
Instead I wanted to be on my couch watching the Philadelphia Eagles murder the Dallas Cowboys. I had three solid excuses why I wasn't going to go to the basketball game, one of which included two Cornish game hens and an electric razor. But being the reputable journalist that I am, I decided just to tape the Eagles game and watch it once I got home from the massacre that I was sure would transpire.
The following is an exact transcription, or something close, to what was going through my head during what ended up being one of the most exciting sporting events that I've ever seen in person.
2:05 p.m.: The tip-off was won by Texas . . . there goes this game. I just didn't want to deal with any crying players after the game. There is nothing more awkward than a six-foot-three girl who could take me off the dribble, eyes-redder than the day Rover died, trying to answer my stupid questions about rebounding.
2:10 p.m.: Oh good god . . . it's uglier than I even could imagine. The Lady Lions are down 6-0, and they're not helping their own cause with Kelly Mazzante and Tanisha Wright both missing shots horribly. If I sneak out now I could get home by halftime.
3:00 p.m.: I knew I should have bet the house on this game. Texas 22, Penn State 11. Mazzante can't find her shot, while the Lions interior game is comparable to the defense that's played in NBA Jam . . . Boomshackalaka.
At one point, six-foot-five freshman Reicina Russell takes a turn-around, fade-away jumper. I don't know whether to laugh or vomit, but a mixture of the two seemed appropriate.
Then Penn State coach Rene Portland sits Mazzante and this is where it gets interesting.
3:10 p.m.: Wright just does what she does best and takes it strong to the rack -- and one! A Jess Strom steal and a sweet three in transition follow that three-point play. After a defensive rebound T-money (a nickname that I made up myself and one that I will continue to refer to her the rest of the season . . . it just feels right) strokes a ten footer and cuts the lead to three.
After foul shots by both Strom and Mazzante, her first points of the game, the Lady Lions are down by one and the 10,000 plus that are inside the Jordan Center are getting crazy. I'm actually getting chills.
3:20 p.m.: What is going on here? The Lady Lions up three at the break? Penn State can't be winning at halftime . . . maybe I did drink one too many on Saturday night and I'm still passed out in the broom closet at Subway. I pinch myself to make sure that the latter isn't a reality. I immediately call the Penn State Book Store and request a T-money #33 jersey be placed on hold for me.
Don't you understand . . . no one gave this team a chance to win, except themselves, and if I told Portland that Mazzante would be shooting 0-8 at halftime with only four points and her team would be up at intermission I'm pretty sure she'd smack me for talking so foolish.
3:20 - 4:00 p.m.: Instead of coming out flat after playing with insane emotion in the first half, the Lady Lions play arguably the best basketball that they've played in years. Led by Strom and Wright putting them up three at half, but now with Mazzante heating up the game gets out of hand.
Penn State takes a 21-point lead and Texas calls a time out. I have to restrain myself from standing up and pounding my chest; I haven't been this fired up since I heard that Newlyweds was coming back for a second season.
Penn State wins by 20, 79-59, and then I start doing some math. Penn State was No. 8, Texas was No. 2 ... they may swap positions in the polls and that means only one team stands in their way . . . UCONN.
Bring on the Huskies!
By the way, does anyone know who won the Eagles game?
