Attention haters: the Cold Stone Creamery, 321 E. Beaver Ave., has come to town to melt your stone-cold little hearts.

Never mind that there are already two big-time ice cream shops in town, the Penn State University Creamery and Ben & Jerry's, 124 S. Allen St. The naysayers seem to have forgotten the three most important points of real estate. Say it with me now: location, location, location.

Before we even touch quality, think about this. The Cold Stone Creamery is located near the corner of East Beaver Avenue and Locust Lane, considered by many residents of town and campus as "east."

Ben & Jerry's is on Allen Street. That's blocks away from people living in places such as Beaver Hill, Penn Towers or even South Halls.

The University Creamery ... well, let's face it, who wants to make the trip onto a pedestrian campus for ice cream in wintertime? The Creamery is fine for people in East Halls, maybe South. The rest of us need a break from these treks across the Penn State tundra.

Besides, Cold Stone is located right next to Quizno's, 317 E. Beaver Ave. I couldn't think of anything more perfect than an oven-toasted sub topped off with some tasty frozen confection, can you?

Which brings us to the goods. When you walk into Cold Stone, the first thing you notice is the warmth of the employees, who call out a greeting to all who enter. You approach the display case, delighted by the symmetry of the rows of ice cream flavors and toppings, and they basically chat you up.

"Is this your first time here?" one asks eagerly. Shaking my head yes, the employee explains the process of satisfying my sweet tooth.

Before I even choose from one of the 32 Cold Stone Originals or make my own creation (the first topping is on the house), I'm offered free samples of basically anything I want in the store. That way I can find something I like first before ordering. Imagine the possibilities!

Anxious to get down to business, I opt to put this guy right to work. I order a "Cookie Doughn't You Want Some," which is made with French vanilla ice cream, chocolate chips, cookie dough and caramel. After a split second of consideration, I get the largest size, "Gotta Have It."

The employee encourages me to watch as he scoops ice cream out onto the frozen slab of granite that serves as a countertop and mixing board.

He combines the toppings and mixes the whole thing up before my very eyes.

Handing me the finished creation, he assures me that if I try it and don't like it, he will make me something else at no charge.

Needless to say, this is not necessary. I'm barely aware of my surroundings as my mouth is transported to ice cream heaven. And for such a large helping of pure joy, I'm hit up for less than $5.

My companion chooses to take the do-it-yourself route, ordering her own creation of cake batter ice cream with Oreo cookies and caramel. Two entire Oreos are crushed into the mess. More conservative than I, she goes with the smallest size, "Like It," for less than $4.

Like it indeed. I love the place.

The "Gotta Have It" might have been a little more than I could handle in one sitting, but if my only complaint is being filled with too much creamy goodness, then I'm either insane or being way too picky.

The Cold Stone Creamery should send a chill through the veins of its competitors. If you want porn, go to Ben & Jerry's. But if you don't mind some actual action, go Cold Stone. The quality and service are unmatched. It's the coolest.