Had I kissed Kelly Nugent the summer before fifth grade, I would have had a more active grade school social life.

Had I not quit piano lessons after six months in seventh grade, I would have been a rock star, I just know it would have happened.

Had I done better in my final go-round on the SAT's, I would have gone to Harvard.

And, since I would have been a Harvard rock star, I would now be dating Natalie Portman.

Last season, those on the Penn State football team liked to tell us that if four things went differently, the Nittany Lions would have won and gone undefeated, in the process implying they would have won the national title.

This season, we hear that they could have beaten Boston College, Nebraska and Minnesota had four things gone differently in each game.

Well, I'm not dating Natalie Portman and this team is staring a 4-8 season in the face. And those four wins will come against some of the worst teams in Div. I football.

Make no mistake, the sky is falling.

The last time Penn State lost twice as many games as it won was 1932. That's before Social Security, before the rise of Hitler and before Robert Johnson laid the foundation for modern blues.

This is a bad football team. Or at least a football team playing badly. Yes there is a difference, but no, it really doesn't matter because the end result is the same.

The Lions have a whole slew of problems from the top on down. Lack of preparation, bad play calling, poor clock management, mental mistakes, wasteful penalties, missing execution; this team has it all. It can't be broken down in 750 words, so I'm not going to try.

My biggest issue with this team is the endless stream of players and coaches saying "if only." If you didn't win the game you lose it, so let's stop claiming moral victory. This year's losses haven't come to powerhouse teams and Penn State hasn't looked good in defeat.

The Lions keep saying they just need to catch a break. In other words, they're waiting to get lucky, which is not the way to approach competitive situations. Sure Ohio State got lucky over and over again on it's way to a national title, but the Buckeyes put themselves in a position to get lucky with the clock running down. Penn State on the other hand, seems to be asking for Lady Luck's hand at every turn.

You know what that makes them? The kid who goes to parties and stands on the balcony, chain-smoking cigarettes waiting for a girl to ask him out. And it might happen for him once in his life, twice if he's really fortunate.

So suppose the Lions get their wish and luck their way into an undeserved win, they're 5-7. Great.

Shouldn't this team want to play better? Minnesota was a winnable game, and not just winnable at the end, but a game that this team, with all its faults, should have won by 10 points.

Shouldn't the Lions want to truly win games -- imposing their will on the opponent -- rather than have fortune fall on their side? At the end of the day, isn't the point in competing to prove yourself superior?

Because one thing is certain: this team has yet to prove itself superior at anything.

There was a time when that wouldn't have been acceptable here. But more and more, that time seems to be in the distant past.

The bottom line is there are fundamental problems within the institution of Penn State football that extend beyond this season. They exist from the top on down.

And if the Lions ever want to be real contenders at any point in the future, changes must be made. So where does it all break down? The players? The assistants? Joe Paterno? I can't say because I'm not privy to the inner workings of the system, but seeing the results I know everyone is culpable.

But here's a suggestion for start: Stop lying and stop making excuses. Stop the transparent spinning. Stop hoping for the ball to bounce the right way and start picking it up and running it back. In short, stop looking so foolish.

Because this is a bad football team and the sky is not going to stop falling anytime soon.