I've tried eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too much, and even pretending it wasn't going to happen. But despite my best efforts at denial, and short of finding out this week that I'm failing a class, I will be graduating in a little more than two weeks.

It's not that I want to be a 12th year senior; it's just that it's hard to leave a place that feels like home after having three "permanent" addresses in the last four years. It's even more difficult to leave an office where I probably spent more time than I did in my room and to say goodbye to a group of friends that are practically my family.

It's a problem I never imagined I would have when I was a miserable freshman. I was one of three people who came here from my New York high school and it seemed like everyone knew each other already. I was pretty uninvolved in high school and had no idea what I wanted to do here, so I spent the whole year sitting in my room trying to avoid my roommate.

There are no memorable positive moments I can recall from that year because I didn't create any. I do remember a lot of Friday and Saturday nights spent watching one of the televisions in Findlay Commons by myself. And I can't forget that Saturday night when someone tried to convert me to Christianity while I was trying to watch the 11 p.m. news on the Big Onion TV. I often received the advice that I would never meet people sitting in my room.

After joining a couple of honor societies and even volunteering at the on-campus daycare center, I made my way to the Collegian. I thought there was no way I would make the first round of cuts, but to my surprise, I did. I thought they would never accept me into the training program after I did horribly in the interview. But they did.

And I started coming to the office every day. I just tried to be quiet and not mess anything up, but by the end of the semester I finally felt like I had a purpose. I finally made a decision to do something while I was here instead of just wandering from my room to class to the commons and back.

I even ended up covering "the Village" sit-in in the HUB during finals week that semester. Once the national media descended on campus and it became a big story, it made me realize that the paper was where I belonged.

I made a choice, and I know it was the right one, to devote myself to one activity and do it really well, instead of being involved in several organizations I wouldn't really care that much about.

It's so hard to do that at Penn State because there are so many options to choose from, but going all out in one or two groups will make the experience more meaningful than being barely involved in each of a dozen groups.

Now I had a purpose: go to the office every day. It was nice to be able to stop thinking that if I got run over by the Loop, nobody on campus would miss me because I didn't have any friends.

I finally met people here, and we had our shared interest to talk about. Getting editing positions was something I never expected. Realizing that I did have friendships and could be a leader was a big change.

The astute reader might remember that I wrote a column at the beginning of this semester about the dining commons Walk of Shame, and how I wanted to make what I considered real friendships before I graduated. I think I did.

I made a deliberate effort to be more social and I made what I think are some really good friends this semester, who have meant a lot in allowing me to see certain facets of my personality I didn't know existed (mostly good ones).

I told myself there would be no (more) regrets this semester. Any party I've heard about, I've been there. Any legal opportunity to have fun, I've taken. There are some nice pictures of me from the day I was wearing a friend's cowboy hat for the sake of amusement hanging up in the office. And I know that's something I would have been too shy to do four years ago. But I have my friends to thank for that and for making me see the importance of taking control of my own life.

Don't just sit back and wait for something great to happen to you. Go out and make it happen. It could be the defining moment of your college years.