Ah, good old PSU. You've taught me how to use my brain to get money out of others, but not before you got as much money as you could out of me. I grudgingly respect you for that.

Heeding the old American proverb, I will now go back to wherever the hell it is I came from.

The formalities of education are finally out of the way; time to get cracking on this debt. I'm done living for my parents' expectations; now I live for my bills. With luck I will find the courage and independence to live for me doing something I love in some sweet employment. Down the road I might even be able to afford that trophy wife I've always wanted.

I told myself that I came here from New York because I wanted to see what life was like outside of the environment I grew up in. In reality I'm not sure why I came here. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe I really liked the football uniforms.

I was a silly high school kid, and now I'm a silly college graduate. Between the education and the women, I feel I can go home and say with confidence that my time out here wasn't a complete waste. Though most of it feels like a blur, there were a couple of things that stood out.

The party scene would have to be at the top of the list because, after all, we party so smart. You facilitated, nurtured and encouraged my destructive behavior, and for this I am eternally grateful. Those underhanded ways you found to fine me for it, however, were not cool.

When it comes to cheap or free booze, no one quite does it like State College can. Where else can I buy a beer for a nickel and catch my favorite cover band? I'm just glad I'm jumping ship before that beer tax kicks in and you younger students are forced to choose between beer money and book money.

It wasn't only how I partied, but who I partied with that stuck out. In a town so inherently segregated, I had to make a conscious decision before I left the house of whether I felt like hanging with the blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics or Indians. It's a little ridiculous, but I suppose it's a reflection of the country we live in. Oh well, we'll always have the corner of Allen Street and Calder Way, or as I like to call it, "Beer muscle central," where being a jack-ass knows no color.

Aside from substance abuse, another highlight of my Penn State experience would have to be the Pennsylvanian. Alas, what a kooky lot of characters you are: technically not trailer trash, but not above taking a pitcher of Keystone to the head, either. With your chipped ham, no-bake cookies, scrapple and taxmemore.org, there is no telling what Pennsylvanians will come up with next.

I'm not saying that for the most part you are nothing but a backwards, pseudo-sophisticated bunch of yokels, because that would be wrong. You have a couple of admirable traits. Pride and a sense of history stick out to me the most. I've met a lot of interesting, good people here who I would have never crossed paths with in the real world. I can say I'm a better person for knowing them.

One thing I will never understand though is the rivalry between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. In a world where there are always bigger fish to fry, you're bitching over whose teams suck the least. You two really need to get over this difference in geography, if not for yourselves, then for all the people living just outside of you (which is nothing to be ashamed of, of course).

I've probably asked myself a thousand times before getting up for my 8 a.m. classes why I was here. Not Pennsylvania, but school in general. Is this the path for me? Do I even have a choice?

In one breath we idolize those self-made individuals who never intended to get a college education while in another everyone else is told this is what you have to do to make it in the world.

Though a degree might guarantee you'll be in a place that at least has air conditioning, it does not guarantee success. In fact, you can even have a master's degree and still be a loser.

I know some come to Penn State with a genuine passion and thirst for knowledge in whatever field of study, but I'm sure a lot more come here just because they are trying to get paid.

Whatever the reason, much like the opinions of those who aren't running the country, it really doesn't matter. Receive your multi-thousand dollar piece of paper and move on with your life.