I watch a lot of TV, drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addicting?

Chapstick.

People always look at me funny whenever I mention the serious nature of Chapstick addiction, but it's a real issue. Chapstick is just as addicting as heroin, cocaine and that silly I love the 80s series on VH-1.

I've seen the effects of Chapstick addiction first hand, and let me tell you: It's no laughing matter.

Many times, my good friend (who shall remain nameless) and I have been on our way driving home for a semester break when the effects of this dangerous addiction starts to rear its ugly head.

"My lips are starting to burn! Where's my friggin' Chapstick?" Randy will shout in a panic.

Burning lips aren't the only symptom of withdrawal from the "stick-o-goodness," as I like to call it.

Headaches have also been known the wreak havoc on unfortunate addicts. I've heard stories of people going on a long trip and suffering because they forgot their Chapstick.

I myself have had bouts with this dangerous treat. In fact, just yesterday I realized I forgot my Chapstick after I arrived to class. About halfway through, I started to feel my lips drying up and craved Chapstick more then ever. Just then, I noticed a stick in the bag of a student next to me.

It took every ounce of effort in me to not steal the bag and run out of class, but I didn't.

I agree that Chapstick is needed and serves the better interest of the public, but we need to examine its effects and its sales tactics. It is marketed no different than other drugs that are hocked on the street.

First, you always get the first one free. Have you ever noticed how Chapstick always comes in packages of two? "Buy one get one free," they call it. This is the same tactic dealers use. Give the first hit free. Then keep them going with a steady stream so they form an addiction.

Heroin and Dr Pepper-flavored Chapstick -- it's all the same. You always want more.

And now, gender roles have come into play. Trying to make its use -- and subsequent abuse -- more socially acceptable for men, Blistex has introduced a line of "Chapstick for men."

Apparently, the new stick doesn't leave a gloss and doesn't have fruity colors on the label. Something like that. All I know is, according to the mobster-type person in the commercial, I've been a woman for using "women's Chapstick."

"It's for men, Johnny. For men," the commercial says.

But don't fret, help is out there.

There are ways to beat the addiction. You can join Lip Balm Anonymous.

When you feel like you can't finish the 12-step program and feel the urge to revert to your old ways, remember that the next time you reach for that Mango stick-o-goodness, you may be on your way to a life on the streets, asking for change so you can run and buy a new stick.