I've admitted a lot of things on this page, but this is one thing I never thought I'd say: I've done the Walk of Shame. A lot.
But it's not the Walk of Shame we're all familiar with.
This Walk of Shame happens every day, all around campus: The Dining Commons Walk of Shame.
It is commonly observed during peak dining hours when people who go to the commons or the HUB to eat alone find themselves wandering aimlessly, tray in hand, looking for someplace to sit.
With nearly all of the dining areas occupied by groups of people, the search is on for an empty table.
It is a noble, and sometimes pathetic, quest, because this Walk makes one feel and sends the message to others that he is a loser because he does not have a friend to eat with.
I spent most of my first semester at Penn State bringing food back to my room -- and not eating all I cared to eat in Findlay Commons -- because I didn't want to take the Walk. By the spring I decided to get out of my room, and ventured to Findlay. Since then, I've done the Walk in nearly every eatery on campus -- quite an impressive feat.
I've been stuck with the "loner" tag for years. I always seem to end up alone. I think I can blame this one on my parents, because I was an only child.
I became so good at entertaining myself and being alone that I didn't even know how to interact socially with other people. I spent high school alone in my room.
But I thought for sure I would have to make friends when I came to Penn State. I'd be living with a bunch of other people and I couldn't possibly be alone all the time. Well, I figured out a way to not meet a single person on my floor. (Like I said before, I'm talented.)
So the question becomes, how do you not make a friend surrounded by 40,000 people?
I'd always heard that friendships develop naturally and there wasn't really any specific thing people do to make friends -- friends as people you voluntarily interact with outside of the environment in which you are forced to interact.
Friends as people you always know you can go with to dinner, a football game, or a party.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I'll be graduating in May. I wonder who, of all the people I've met in State College, I'll stay in touch with.
I don't talk to one person I went to high school with, and I wonder if history will repeat itself with college. It's a scary prospect to go into the real world not knowing anybody. I was miserable during my freshman year until I met people here.
Which is why my goal this semester is to form a legitimate friendship with someone with whom I will stay in touch with after I graduate.
I decided to take matters into my own hands instead of hoping something will happen naturally and told two people I thought we should be friends. Other than starting a very awkward conversation (another of my special talents), it has yet to accomplish a whole lot.
It went something like this:
"OK, we're friends. Now what?"
"Yeah, I don't know."
This approach hasn't led to a strong friendship with the people I've tried it on, but I'm hopeful that its effects are just slow to appear.
This all leads to another question: Does any of this matter? Is college just a time when we're all thrown together and we live and work toward a common goal (theoretically, graduation) and then part ways, never to meet again? Or are we potentially building lifelong relationships? Is it worth the effort to establish a relationship with someone if you could be parting ways in a few years? I think it is, but how do you do it?
Even after having been surrounded by 40,000 people for the last four years, that is one question I haven't been able to answer, but I have to try.
I'm tired of taking the Walk.
