Someone is lying to you -- and he doesn't even live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

But this time, we don't know for sure who's doing the lying and who it is they're protecting. Are those running the BCS telling the truth when they say two remaining bowl spots are still up for grabs, or does the Big Ten have a hand on the Bible telling us Iowa and Ohio State are both guaranteed BCS berths? Is Iowa a bargaining chip in some back-room, high-stakes poker game with its conference betting the house on a big return, or has the selection process already played out with Sunday's announcement show being a spectacle with no more real suspense than professional wrestling?

This is all we know for sure: Ohio State is almost sure of playing Miami for the National Championship on Jan. 3 in the Fiesta Bowl; Penn State, like four other Big Ten schools, is contractually locked into their conference tie-in bowls and, depending on tomorrow's UCLA-Washington State game, Iowa, USC and Notre Dame could all be vying for two at-large BCS spots. If Washinton State wins and USC is fourth in the BCS rankings, they get an automatic at-large bid.

According to the Big Ten, Iowa is in regardless of what happens tomorrow. The folks at Iowa say they haven't spoken directly with any of the BCS's floating heads, but fully believe the Big Ten's assessment of the situation. Conversely, BCS commissioner Mike Tranghese, as well as the Notre Dame athletic department, insist the field is wide open and the Big Ten gave the go ahead for smaller bowls to start handing out bids too early.

That's a huge difference for Iowa. If they are in fact a lock for the Rose or Orange Bowls, then they have nothing to worry about. However, if they are just another team in the shuffle -- especially if they are the one that gets lost -- the Hawkeyes' bowl options become either a very slim shot at the Fiesta Bowl or the lowly Motor City Bowl Dec. 26 in Detroit. Now me, I'm buying the Big Ten's line.

Did the conference pull a power play by announcing its bowl contracts before the BCS spots were finalized? Probably, but I doubt they'd risk blowing the Hawkeyes' chances by ruffling too many feathers. More importantly, I can't believe the Big Ten, the school athletic directors and bowl committees all simply forgot about the possibility of Iowa missing out on one of the big games. And yes, I've heard the theories that JoePa pressured the Big Ten into improving the Lions' postseason lot. But after the headaches he gave the conference this year, that doesn't seem likely.

Something would be very wrong if the conference co-champs get shafted and everyone in the country knows it. Still, no matter how well Iowa is supposed to travel, pitting them against Notre Dame in the ability to make a buck is too big a risk for the Big Ten.

So we'll say it's the BCS that's having trouble keeping a straight face. That would mean all the scheduling possibilities were sealed Tuesday on the BCS teleconference, explaining the Big Ten's hasty bowl announcements.

The motive for this deception? For once, it's not money, but rather credibility. Knowing that a four-loss team, Florida State, already has a guaranteed berth, the BCS doesn't want the truth -- its bowls are no holier than every other bowl -- to be exposed. They're just out to fill seats and hotel rooms. The myths about pairing the best eight teams are being revealed as just that, meaning that the whole system, not just the methods for determining the title game, are a farce with big bucks at stake. Wednesday night, on Pardon the Interruption, Tranghese made everything perfectly clear when he said he wouldn't want to do anything to undermine the bowl system. You see, the BCS is just the same old system with a fancy name and a few rules that can be bent at will. Which student athletes really win in the end is nothing but a secondary concern.