For all the valuable education this university gives us, there is a severe lack in a rudimentary discipline. I feel it is valuable for every student who passes through these hallowed halls to have a mandatory education in basic bipedal mechanics. In my experiences here, it is apparent that some students, not all, but a great number, have never come to understand bipedal mechanics and its place in the social order of society.

When my plan comes to fruition, the course guide will read something similar to the passage below.

BIPED 001 Basic Bipedal Mechanics (3) The art and skill of walking. This course will examine how to go about walking and the correct procedures for doing so. Special emphasis will be placed on common mistakes made while walking that hinder general traffic flow. Prerequisite: Opposable thumbs

It's shockingly apparent to anyone who has been late for a class that many Penn State students just don't understand the concept of walking. These poor souls lollygag on the sidewalks, they dawdle in stairwells and they generally get in everyone else's way. The worst part of this dearth of knowledge is that many culprits of bad walking behavior have no idea they possess such tendencies. Here is a scenario to test your walking knowledge. You're walking down Pollock Road between class periods, there are people everywhere trying hard (and mostly in vain) to make it to their next class on time. You suddenly see someone, a friend, an acquaintance, someone who looks like Jesus, whomever. What do you do?

A)Stop and engage in conversation with said person

B)Stop and talk, but make a concerted effort to get out of everyone else's way

If you said B, good job, you've passed. All those who said A, you've got a long way to go. It's not that you're stopping to talk that's the problem, it's just that when you block off a major portion of sidewalk for your fellow students, you delay everyone from reaching their destination on time. You're not just hurting us, the random passersby, by doing this; because I guarantee that when we all walk by, we're thinking of hurting you.

Conversational exchanges aren't the only obstacle to hazard-free walking, groups of friends also make getting anywhere in State College on foot a chore.

I'm sure you've seen them, groups of people, anywhere from three to ten, walking in echelon formation like a squadron of Spitfires, blocking off the sidewalk. Not only do they block the sidewalk, but they also proceed slowly, so as to prevent anyone behind them from even coming close to getting to where they need to be.

This doesn't even begin to describe the problems one will encounter when the weather is bad. When any form of precipitation is falling from the sky, God help you getting anywhere on a sidewalk. It's as if as soon as anyone opens an umbrella, their brain literally stops functioning. People will hit trees with them, showering anyone close by with a healthy dose of H2O; others seem oblivious to anyone around them, and they'll snag one of their spokes in your eye if they get the chance.

Now I'm sure some may say, "But if everyone walked to merely get where they were going quickly, we couldn't enjoy nature's beautiful surroundings." I'm not against nature by any means, but if you'd like to go become one with a tree or make love to a squirrel, do it away from where regular people typically walk.

It's really an issue of courtesy; it would be nice if people could realize it when they were in others' ways. By taking my proposed course, we can work to alleviate this unfortunate epidemic. Hopefully, we can help people get from point A to point B quickly without resorting to violence. Only then, when we have clear walkways for every man, woman, and child, can we hope to build a better tomorrow.