I think that campus would be a better place if everyone wore a Santa hat to class this week. I mean, something has to be done to jump start this holiday season, and the unseasonably warm weather we've been having is not going to do it.

"But Adam!" they'll say, "not everyone celebrates Christmas! You're very narrow minded!" Therein lies the beauty of this plan. You see, Santa Claus transcends such artificial boundaries as religious practice and national origin to represent the spirit of the holiday season. It's safe to say that the Santa of today has little to no connection with the Saint Nicholas of Christianity. When was the last time Santa threw a sack of gold coins down your chimney to pay your dowry? There is no mention of Santa performing any religious rites in any Christmas carol or other yuletide tale. At best, "Saint Nick" has become nothing more than one of the many festive monikers attached to the man in red. If Santa still carried any kind of association with Christianity, opposition groups would have put an end to him long ago. Shrewdly, Kris Kringle has distanced himself from anything remotely controversial to find broader appeal amongst the masses. Santa is, in this respect, "bigger than Jesus."

Santa Claus has evolved, if you will, into a higher form, a form that cannot only appear in every shopping mall in America at the same time, but that represents the collective holiday spirit of America. In fact, Santa often appeared in political cartoons dressed in red, white and blue alongside the political figures of the day. But you do not need to be American to love Santa Claus, either.

The only requirements to join the Santa fan club are selflessness and willingness to get into the spirit of the holidays. And by "the holidays," I refer only to about a five-week period that begins the day after Thanksgiving and ends when we ring in a new year. You don't even have to celebrate a holiday during this period as long as you feel the excitement of the freshly-fallen snow (well, maybe not this year), of the strings of lights that appear on buildings and in trees downtown each year, and of finding the perfect gift for that special someone.

Everyone is a winner in this situation. By disentangling Santa from Christmas, we avoid the nasty Santa-Jesus conflict that the clergy expound upon yearly. Plus, all of the "heathens" can still enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling of exchanging gifts without the nagging doubt that they may have inadvertently celebrated the birth of the Messiah. And now, Santa can visit during Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the winter solstice, Festivus or what have you. This exponentially increases the amount of loot to be had by kids the world over, thereby making all children a good bit happier. Then these children grow up happy, and in 40 years we have world peace. You see how well this works?

Of course, the same principle applies on a small scale. Everyone wears a Santa hat, and campus becomes a happier place. It's just impossible to get mad at someone wearing such a fun hat. Or be grumpy. The hat has the magical effect of imbuing the wearer with some of the same jolliness enjoyed by the jolly old elf. These hats will also be the great fashion equalizer. Abercrombie does not sell Santa hats, so we will all get ours at Wal-Mart or from the cart in the mall (you can have your name spelled out in glitter for an additional charge). Also, the hats are relatively inexpensive compared to everyone owning their own reindeer. It's sporty and economical!

Santa Claus, world peace and presents. What more could you ask for? With this column in print, you can all rest assured that by wearing a Santa hat you are not making a political statement of any kind. C'mon, people, let's see those hats this week. Happy holidays to all, and to all a good night!