Guys have it rough, they really do. I'm serious. I started thinking about it the other day on the bus when I saw a guy offer his seat to a pregnant woman. I watched the scene and thought about how thoughtful this gentleman was. Then I realized that, ideally, such a sight shouldn't even give me pause. Such an act of courtesy ought to be commonplace enough that it seems natural rather than extraordinary.

It shouldn't surprise me when a man pulls out my chair for me, but it does. It almost literally throws me off balance, because I am never expecting it. Heaven forbid he rises from his seat when I excuse myself from the dinner table. It usually flusters me and causes me to ask, "What's wrong? I'll be right back. You don't have to leave too."

I don't think chivalry is dead, but I do think it's in the ICU -- and I sometimes wonder if it isn't we women who put it there. For the last 40 years, and even beyond, women have been struggling to gain equal footing with men. We want the same rights, privileges, and responsibilities. And we should certainly have them. Somewhere in the feminist movement, though, men got very confused. Should they hold doors open for us? Pull out our chairs? Offer to carry heavy loads? Give us their seats on the bus? They got different answers to these questions depending upon the women they asked.

In some cases, they were told that such gestures were still expected and considered polite. In other cases, they were told that they had better not dare, because it meant that they thought we were somehow inferior. For crying out loud, no wonder they're confused!

So, here we go guys and gals, now is the time to set the record straight. Let's answer the questions of chivalry. Right here, right now.

I will never forget the winter of my senior year in high school. I was at a conference, walking down the hall of a hotel, briefcase in hand. The briefcase was a pain to lug around, one of those old Samsonite elephants and bursting at the seams with stuff.

A friend of mine was walking with me, and he was toting a briefcase of his own exactly like mine. They were standard issue for the kids in our group, and they gave us all blisters.

Realizing I was struggling a bit, he reached down and attempted to grab my briefcase. I held tight and refused, insisting that he had his own to contend with. We argued for a few moments, and then he said something that made me set my briefcase down. He picked it up and followed me to my door.

What he said was, "I would rather die than have a woman carry something so heavy in my presence."

Now ladies, before you get all huffy and start accusing me of letting him "get away" with that comment, take some time to think about it. He wasn't telling me that I was incapable of carrying the briefcase or that I was in any way inferior to him. He wasn't trying to say that I was weak or slow. He didn't think I needed help. He thought I deserved it. There's a difference.

When a guy opens a door for me, closes a car door after I am seated, or offers to carry something for me, he isn't doing it because he assumes I can't. It isn't meant to be an insult. It is meant to be a gesture of courtesy and respect. Don't we deserve it?

The concept of chivalry isn't based on the idea that men think women are inferior. It is based on the idea that they think we ought to be honored and treated with respect. After all, we are their daughters, their sisters, their mothers, their nieces, their girlfriends, their wives, the mothers of their children.

Of course, common courtesy goes both ways. I wouldn't hesitate to grab a door for someone who had his or her hands full. Nor would I think twice about offering to help someone carry a heavy load or offering my seat to a pregnant woman or a parent with child in tow.

So guys, the answer is yes, you ought to be a gentleman when it comes to things like this. And ladies, when a guy tries to be chivalrous, don't be indignant about it. Recognize it for what it really is. Respect.