Well, another homecoming has come and gone, and only some of you noticed. I believe this is a shame.

There were so many worthy things that happened and many more unworthy things. I guess, once again, that I'll have to be the eyes and ears of this campus and tell all of you slackers about everything that happened.

I don't want to burden you with the details of the entire week, so we'll just talk about the weekend.

Friday was the first day of the homecoming weekend.

This day starts with lots of fraternities and sororities getting their pledges up really early to write on the sidewalks.

Many of you probably saw these pictures, a bunch of characters from a dead language all over the place. Sometimes they spell a strange word, but not usually. And, a pet peeve of mine, not a single hopscotch drawing. What am I supposed to do for fun around here?

On a side note, I'd like to commend the person who drew the male organ outside the Willard building. It was kind of humorous to watch the preacher give his usual sodomy speech from the base of a penis.

Now you have writing all over the place. OK, that's easy enough to get used to.

However, that's not enough. The same graffiti people have to ly by their artwork. And in the middle of sidewalks too. Know what I did? I prayed to the sun for rain. I like watching people scramble for cover.

So now the parade comes along. I hate to tell you all this, but I didn't attend.

Sorry, I really wanted to, but I had other obligations. I had a headache and I had to wash my hair. However, I have attended the parades of years past (plenty of them too, I'm a Super-Duper-Quadrooper-Ten-Times-Over Senior). These parades have bands and floats and people waving and horses.

The horses are my favorite part. Sometimes they leave a little present on the street and when a band goes by, inevitably someone steps in it. Did you really think I'd make it through three juvenile columns without a poop reference?

Everyone waits around to see the float of their organization go by, or to just look at all the good designs. My favorites are always the floats that feature trees on them. There's nothing like the irony of people building a tree out of paper.

Eventually the parade ends, it's now dark, and everyone of age is thirsty. We all know that no one underage gets that kind of thirsty. Heck, 70 percent of you drink responsibly. Way to lie on the questionnaire.

Naturally, all of us go downtown and have some beers, but not too many. No sir, we wouldn't want to have to go to the emergency room for a flesh wound would we? We all have to wake up the next morning for a good bout of tailgating anyway.

So, around 1p.m., I roll out of bed, put on a hat and head on down to the stadium.

This is the best time to go, you don't have to pay to park. I think by this time the parking people are out charging students some other creative way. Probably learning the logistics of the Port-o-Payers.

Just in case you have no idea what tailgating is, it is pretty much just a better reason to consume beer and hang with older people than bingo games. Tailgating consists of drinking yourself silly, then putting on a show for your neighbors.

I'm pretty sure the same people who rate the floats come around and rate the drunks.

I'd like to announce that The Biggest Underachieving non-Soda Consuming lusH (BUSCH) Award goes to the kid directing traffic with a pair of pickles.

On another off note, I hear from many different reliable sources that there was even a crowning of royalty sometime this weekend. Well, I don't know about any of you, but I was happy when America threw the British and King George out.

But, now we have a king and queen. I guess we will have to live with this. Maybe I'll get to be a knight. Probably end up as a jester or stable hand, but a knight would be cool.

Finally, it is Saturday night. The night everyone waits for, especially if the football team won. Me, I don't base my night on the football team's winning or losing.

No, I base my night on the mighty fencing team.

You all can cheer the football win, but my team won 4 of 6 division titles this weekend. I had 4 times the reason to celebrate.

The weekend ended. Many (more then the proud 30 percent) woke up the next morning wondering why they do this to themselves just for homecoming.

Some had their nights relived to them by their friends.

Some had injuries that required hospitalization. I believe we all had fun. At least that's what my roommate told me.