Language is an art form. Or at least it used to be.

As far as language goes, college students are on default setting. We're not dumb, but we sure talk like we are. I can't figure out why, but it seems that we love to repeat the same few expressions over and over and OVER again. Our speech patterns keep getting lazier and lazier as our dialogue continues to sag into mediocrity. The strange thing is that no one seems to be aware of the problem.

Catch phrases like, "A bit more than I wanted to know" and "I think someone's got a little too much time on their hands" have finally pushed me into a shove position. Today, cliches are more numerous and peculiar than the variety of sounds that come out of a public rest room. I can't tolerate these burnt-out expressions any longer and neither should you. Some of the more irritating ones need to go. As I list some of the more aggravating words and phrases that pollute our delicate ears, my hope is that this column will be effective enough to recruit more outspoken critics of the college student dialogue.

Maybe the most overused pieces of speech in the college dialogue are the questions that can be answered with the word "good." Of course, I'm describing those generic greetings that we spit out at each other. Examples include "How was your break?" or "How are you?" or "How's your semester going?"

We're so painfully bored with these questions that we reflexively shout out "good" just to get past them. I realize that we greet each other in this way because we want to express our interest in someone's life, but can't we inquire about our friend's recent experiences with a line of questioning that has a little bit more imagination behind it?

We use the word "like" far too frequently when we talk. "He was like..." and "She was like..." are said far too many times during an episode of storytelling. I'm guilty too. I've contracted the (Happy) valley-girl accent. Using "like" in this way has become unconsciously habitual. Listen to your friends talk. It's creepy to hear that word so many times. It makes us sound dumb; not I-hate-Napster dumb, but more like let's-go-eat-seafood-at-a-truck stop dumb. But at least it's not as addicting as using swear words.

I'd like to first congratulate everyone. We've finally succeeded in domesticating the swear word. Naughty words used to mean something. Nowadays, they're used so gratuitously that they've lost any sort of offensive expression. Why, then, do we keep using them? The way I see it, the dumbest of our kind have kept foul language alive because they somehow believe that swearing is heroic, even cutting edge.

There's no better proof of what I've just said than in the game of insults. There's no attempt to be creative in our name-calling anymore. It makes me laugh when I hear people shouting those harmless obscenities at each other. People aren't realizing that those four-letter words aren't getting the job done. Nobody cares how delightfully clever you've gotten at integrating the word "mother" into your swear vocabulary. If you try and flaunt this skill, people are just going yawn in your face.

I'm very much aware that insulting people has become a permanent feature of our society. I'm not saying that I approve of this; however, if you're going to do it, at least be original.

Let's examine our precious "asshole chant." Of course, I heard this cheered early and too often during what I'd like to call the "Beaver Canyon Spring Mixer" the other night. For years, students have participated in this subhuman ritual designed to publicly disapprove of those who have conducted themselves in poor taste. People who engage in this chant consider it to be remarkable and daring. They couldn't be more wrong. This chant is disgustingly worn out. Trust me, nobody is listening to it and saying, "Wow. I can't believe this. They're actually swearing in unison." I'm sure that we can think of something smarter to yell as a group.

I don't want to stop swearing because it's rude. I do want to stop swearing because it's boring and ineffective.

Everyone has a list of words that he hates to hear or can't stand to read. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have such a list. Recently, I've seen one word in particular that gets forced into the literature and crammed into conversation all too flagrantly. Say it with me now — "perpetuates." I don't know whether people think that they sound swift when they use it or if they're just too lazy to conjure up a better four-syllable word to replace it. There are some instances when "perpetuates" is spoken legitimately, but it seems that, more often than not, people intentionally arrange their sentences to allow for this word's insertion. The word gets used in the most inappropriate ways: "The other day I perpetuated downtown to get something to eat." You will be exposed; even readers with backwards baseball caps can figure out when "perpetuates" is used as part of a writer's style or when the word is just used to cover up an unhealthy verbal deficiency.

The comforting thing about our collective linguistic nightmare is that the problem is easy to solve. I've chosen to leave the solutions up to my loyal and brainy readers. Everyone in the college kingdom has the capacity to figure out what we're saying that's just too dumb. Help me in my fight to ridicule it away.

Let's get creative, not just with language, although that's a great place to start. There's too much staleness and repetition deflating our spirits everyday. Our lives have become far too ordinary. I blame this on a serious lack of spontaneous and unexpected behavior.

Everyone desperately clings to consistency, but there is some real value in saying and doing things against your habits and beliefs (I mean, think how great it would be if John Lawless showed up in S&M gear at the next Sex Faire).

We are all unique human beings; we should start acting like it and speaking like it.