Nice day, huh? "How 'bout that weather?"

How many times have you initiated a conversation with those lines? The weather — something that is beyond our control, yet something that controls how we interact, what we do, and how we feel.

Think about what you talk about when you have nothing to talk about. You have no common interests with the other person. But you can always discuss the weather.

"Quite a day we're having, huh?" or "Oh yeah, it was torrential out there. Had to pull off the road. Couldn't see." Or, my personal favorite, the sarcastic "What a day!"

Just look outside. Go ahead, gaze out into nature for a minute. Now, if you did indeed look out the window, it's probably a nice day outside.

How do I know? Because psychologically, in some weird way, good weather leads to good moods. "Sure, I'll look outside," you say. "Ahh, what a beautiful day. Look at everything here. It's just beautiful. Bolla's right — it's simply gorgeous. Exquisite, even." Or something along those lines. In any case, you're nothing but smiles.

Conversely, let's say you refused to look outside. Crummy day, right? For some reason, raising your head to look out the window was just too much work for you. Bad weather leads to many pissed-off-at-the-world people. "Man, this sucks. It always rains/snows/is freezing. Why does this jerk Bolla want me to look outside? There's nothing worth looking at out there. I knew I shoulda gone to Arizona State." You just want people to leave you the hell alone.

Then there's the life-altering decision on what to wear. Should I wear a coat? A vest? Take an umbrella? Put on my old sneakers? Sport my sandals? Wear a baseball cap? My winter hat? Don the visor? Not go to class at all and lay around in my boxers all day?

You dress in shorts, cuz it might get up to 55 today. Or you're in your shlumpy clothes, sporting the sweatshirt and warm-up pants, cuz we're having a "wintry mix" of weather today.

What do you do when it's nice? You go for a jog. Have a catch. Chill on the balcony. Go to the Café at 1 in the afternoon. You're motivated, on top of the world. You become buddies with the chirping blackbirds outside your window — the same blackbirds that you curse at for making so much noise on a gloomy day.

But what do you do when it's crummy out? Ya see, this is what I don't understand. "Winter Storm Warning" has worse ramifications for many people than does a sign of the apocalypse coming. "Ya hear about this storm we're gonna get?"

Better shut down the schools for the next three weeks. Everybody runs to the grocery store. Gotta buy the bread, eggs, and milk. And 36 gallons of water. (By the way, why buy water? After all, what is snow anyway?)

The storm's coming! It's the end of the world! A foot of snow! It will never melt! You will never be able to leave your house again! Aaaahhhh!

Another thing about how people prepare for a storm: They can't leave the house, because the storm is coming. Can't take five minutes to run to the store. "Accu-Weather says to stay off the roads."

Hey, look outside! There is nothing on the ground, and it's still sunny. "Nope, I don't wanna take a chance."

People totally lose their minds when THE STORM is coming. Get a grip, stop panicking — everything will be all right. There will be a tomorrow.

But what about the people who warn us of the approaching storm? They refer to themselves as "meteorologists."

What's with those guys? Do they really know anything? I doubt it. They just like to sound smart. "Well, we have a high-pressure system hovering over us, and when combined with this Arctic low-pressure front, the weather is very unpredictable," this dweeb tells me.

Translation: "I have no clue what's going on. It might snow. Or it might not. I just don't know, really. We just like to use these little lines with arrows, and put a big 'H' and 'L' on our map, just to confuse you, the viewer. But keep watching. We'll confuse you again in 15 minutes."

Yeah, thanks, Mr. "Hurricane," I appreciate it. Just tell me what it will be. Sunny? Rainy? Hot? Cold? That's all I want to know. Oh, and thanks for your insightful forecasts during the months of January and February. "High in the 30s, chance of snow." I saw the same forecast for 59 consecutive days.

Or, in July and August, they use all of their nifty gadgets to conclude that there is a "chance of thunderstorms" or it will be "hazy, hot, and humid." Now that's money well spent.

By the way, what does "partly cloudy" mean? What kind of forecast is that? Of course it's going to be partly cloudy. Why don't you tell me that tonight it will be dark?

And what is it about the Weather Channel? Why is it that when I'm flipping through the channels, I end up watching the Weather Channel for 10 minutes before I realize what I'm doing.

I think they're using some kind of subliminal, unconscious message to keep my attention on the screen. Why else would I stay tuned to learn about Sunday's forecast for Boise, Idaho?

Sure, I like to know what the weather will be today. Heck, it's nice to know what it will be like five days from now. But let's keep the description plain and simple — enough with the "high pressure systems." Will it be a nice day, or will it rain? And if it's going to storm, chill out. We'll all survive. No need to spend your life's savings on Spaghetti-O's and Ramen Noodles.

Oh, I almost forgot to ask you — what's it like outside today?