As Groucho Marx would say, "that's the most ridiculous thing I ever hoird." Or as that Hindenberg announcer guy might say, "Oh, the humanity." I just finished reading the article about Ingrid Perez, the RA who lost her job and was cast forth from the dorms for the horrible, unforgiveable crime of lighting a candle in her dorm room. I know we have parking police. Do we now have the candle police on campus as well? It is understandable that there must be rules and guidelines, particularly when it comes to communal living.

Is there no warning for first-time offenders before having one's carcass tossed on the street? To me, this all seems to be a bit harsh. Or, perhaps, not harsh enough. Maybe we should get tougher on candleburners. We could cut off a finger for each candle found in a room or a hand for a lit candle. Perhaps the offending candleburners could be drawn and quartered in front of the Creamery or we could construct a gallows in front of Old Main. I graduated from Penn State seven years ago. I lived in West Halls during my first semester. I know I had a candle in my room back then. I don't know if we had candle police yet but if we did, perhaps Penn State will rescind my diploma.