I want to thank Graham Spanier, for letting us down (once again) in favor of kissing ass in Harrisburg.

This time I was impressed that he could find new depths in the stifling, stagnant muckpit of social conservatism by offering to our state representatives this apology for the Sex Faire: "I want to apologize to you . . . for any discomfort or confusion caused by . . . our students."

I thank him for the great entertainment of listening to my roommate rant with disbelief and fury at this news.

Republican John Lawless is who should apologize to his colleagues for confusing them with PG-13 film footage.

It was a feat to stir up so much controversy with $50.

Certainly, the women who organized the event couldn't have done it without their new public relations representative, John Lawless.

Thanks to Lawless, they now have a much larger audience for their next event. I encourage them to exploit this new power entirely and to piss off every last whiny, nasal, confused and uncomfortable wank on campus that writes to the Collegian about how these liberals are ruining the special gift of our sexuality.