You know, the XFL has been so exhilarating early on that it's given me an idea.

Why stop at football? Why not bring the hard-hitting, no-holds-barred attitude of the WWF to even more sports, such as our national pastime?

For years, people have been saying how boring baseball is to watch.

I have the solution.

Ladies, gentlemen, and XFL fans, may I present XLB.

Can't you just picture it? I mean, the rules of baseball are so old and predictable. The XFL eliminated the extra point, so the XLB will eliminate the base on balls. Yup, no free rides in this league! If a pitcher issues four, nah, make it five balls, he steps aside, and the batter's manager will come out and pitch to him until he either strikes out or puts the ball in the field of play.

Oh, yeah. Picture a tobacco-spewing manager shaped like Tommy Lasorda or Don Zimmer, waddling out onto the field to toss lollipops to his cleanup hitter. That'll teach pitchers to find the strike zone, and is sure to help send more red-and-black balls into the bleachers. Whether they'll be red balls with black stitching or black with red, I haven't decided yet.

I know, I know. You're saying the players won't be the same caliber as their MLB counterparts. The curveballs won't curve and the sliders won't slide, and the fastballs will have less heat than an Arnold Schwarzeneggar love scene. But that won't matter, because in keeping with XFL form, we'll have a camera on the catcher's crotch! Fans at home will be able to see the signs, and they will already know what pitches are coming thanks to a pregame interview.

Sounds like a tough task for hitters, but I've already thought of how to level the playing field. We'll move the fences in another six feet (even though andro won't be banned in the XLB) and we'll cover them with steel spikes and poison ivy so that outfielders will be discouraged from climbing the walls to snag homers. Think of it as Wrigley Field meets Raw is War.

And like the XFL, we'll keep the fans first. The seventh-inning stretch may be fine and well for the major-leaguers, but the XLB will spice it up a bit.

Instead of the familiar strands of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame", the speakers will be blaring Kid Rock songs while two, three, or twelve mascots pummel each other with folding chairs. And no Vince McMahon event would be complete without cheerleaders. Don't give me the evil eye, ladies — they can double as ball girls.

The gals and the brawling mascots will be just the thing to get the crowd revved up for that all-important final inning. That's right — XLB games will only be eight innings long, to account for the lack of competent relief pitchers and the painfully short attention span of its fans. Come on, all the extra rules aside, it's still baseball, right?

Wrong. The XLB is not just baseball, it's baseball with an attitude.