As a right-winger who leans libertarian, I hate taxes. Now, I'm not one of those crazy libertarians who thinks the income tax should be abolished (well, actually I am, but for the purposes of this column, let's just pretend I'm a reasonable person). I'm not against government programs as long as those programs are good investments. This is why it's generally a good idea for the government to fund a university like Penn State. This is also why the student activity fee, which amounts to a student tax, is generally a bad idea. It's just an awful investment.

After hearing about all the recent problems with the University Park Allocation Committee, I think that it and the student activity fee should both be abolished. I believe this for two reasons. First, it funds many events that I would rather not have any of my money going toward. Second, it gives out money like a public high school gives out condoms. In fact, UPAC is so loose with our cash that it went bankrupt almost three months before it was supposed to.

UPAC funds the Distinguished Speakers Series. For this academic year, the DSS brought four speakers to Penn State for the low, low price of $175,000. With this amount of money, UPAC could buy 100 new state-of-the-art computers every year or it could fund three entire Penn State educations every year or it could buy some lucky student a brand-spanking new Ferrari.

And it was completely unnecessary for UPAC to pay Danny Glover tens of thousands of dollars to come here and speak. Everything you need to know about Danny Glover can be gleaned from a single viewing of Lethal Weapon. This action classic can be rented for a mere 50 cents down at Mike's Video.

As everyone knows, UPAC funds student groups. Here's a hypothetical situation. Let's say a group wants to spend $10,000 to have a radical lesbian poet come in and dump red paint down her exposed crotch. Maybe this group should pay for this event. Maybe this group should hold fund-raisers, pay membership dues, or sell tickets to its event. I know it's a novel concept, but maybe we should pay for events and groups in which we want to participate.

UPAC also funds Late Night Penn State. Board games, karaoke and magicians come at the bargain basement price of $181,000 a year. UPAC throws a Soviet-style subsidized party every weekend, but they forget that individuals are good at entertaining themselves. Give us our $76 dollars back, and we'll have a blast with it.

With $181,000, UPAC could have one giant open bar most of the semester. Finally, the HUB would be put to good use on the weekends. Unfortunately, Rule 15 on page 13 of the Student Activity Fee Handbook expressly forbids UPAC funds being used for the "purchase of. . . alcoholic beverages."

And if you were thinking of petitioning UPAC for some bail money after a rough Saturday night, think again. Rule 9 on page 13 strictly prohibits the use of UPAC money for "providing bail-bonds funds."

The biggest problem with UPAC is that it pays for the HUB. This is why the student activity fee was created. Even though no one ever asked current students if they wanted to pay for the HUB, this expense comprises about half of UPAC's budget. UPAC pays the HUB's $1.35 million mortgage every year. It's a 20-year mortgage too, so UPAC will still be paying for the HUB when my kids are in elementary school.

The justification for levying a student tax to build the HUB comes from the fact that it's a student union building. The rationale was that the HUB would be primarily used for students, so they should foot the bill. If this is the case, then why don't we get a new student tax for each new building on campus? After all, students primarily use them. I sincerely hope I'm not giving administrators any new ideas here.

Now that the HUB is finally built, there's little reason to complain about how it got there. It's a nice building that I use frequently, but I'd rather not pay for the damn thing. Get corporate funding. Call it the HUB-Smoke Two Packs of Marlboro a Day- Robeson Center. Or call it the HUB-Drink a Tall Glass of Jack Daniels Every Morning- Robeson Center. I don't care what you call it. I don't want to pay for it.

Finally, UPAC is thoroughly undemocratic. Today, only 10 of its 35 members are elected. Eddie Elizondo, overall chairman of UPAC (an appointed position), said a large majority of the seats on UPAC are appointed because, at first, there wasn't enough interest in UPAC to fill up 35 seats. Maybe so, but due to UPAC's utter incompetence, there's more than enough attention on UPAC now.

In response to this question, he also said that the original organizers of UPAC were concerned that making all of the seats elected would lead to a lack of diversity on the committee. I'll leave it to my readers to figure out what this last statement means.

These are all excellent reasons to get rid of the student activity fee and UPAC, but I realize that they both have a future at this university. UPAC is contractually obligated to pay for the HUB, and once student groups have their hands in the cookie jar of public funds, it's hard to pry them away from it. UPAC is firmly entrenched at Penn State.

But this does not mean that students can't make the situation better. First, everyone needs to vote in the upcoming USG/UPAC elections. We should vote for UPAC candidates who pledge to change UPAC so all the seats are elected. If UPAC funds something you don't like, speak up. If UPAC wants to raise the student activity fee, go to a UPAC meeting and speak out. After all, it's your money.