What greater man has ever been elected president of the United States than George W. Bush? What could propel a man to such great heights? I guess it was his education. Did I say education? I meant his family's influence, which got him his education.

Maybe it was because he owned a baseball team. Owners of baseball teams would be natural leaders. Take Marge Schott. She'd make an excellent leader, by Justin Goldman's reasoning. On top of that, he was also governor of Texas, which is last in just about everything, except steel horns on cars and executions. As president, Goldman said Bush had to do things like pay bills. I'm glad I'm not the president of a frat. I couldn't handle the responsibility. His frat allowed Bush to experience so much in life, like drugs and alcohol maybe. The frat probably had nothing to do with his alcoholism though. After all, W. would pass any background check going back to 1974, except his DUI. As president, George had to convince people to join his frat. Most Yale frats are probably dying for those anonymous freshmen. Goldman says fraternities, unlike politicians, can back up what they promise. That's very reassuring. George W. "wouldn't even flinch at Saddam Hussein." Then again, Hussein isn't a multi-syllabic word, like "subliminal."