What I can offer you, though, is a comforting set of instructions to make seeing through bad guys easier than seeing through Grandma's underpants. I've designed this from my own personal struggle to understand what girls need. This resourceful blueprint includes observational generalizations for eliminating the posers and catering to the objective interests of all those nice, sweet boys.
First, if you hope to meet a good guy in a social atmosphere, don't go out and drink yourself stupid. Good guys go to bars, but they're usually just there for the merriment and cheerful interaction. If you get Betty Ford-hammered, the only guys you're going to impress are the ones that drive 70 miles per hour down Allen Street.
Dress is also a frequently mishandled issue these days. Wear what makes you comfortable, nothing more and especially nothing less. Only posers reason that a girl's worth correlates well with her skin exposure, but the good guys know better. Here's an insightful tip for attire: Stand out without standing out. Try to look interesting without looking like you're trying to signal for a synchronized swoon from the male audience. Heck, the girl in a T-shirt who tossed on her glasses and swept a hand through her hair would do it for me.
Now, how to pick the ripe one, or even the rotten one, out of the bunch. When you step into a room with your eyes set on scan, take note of any guy who seems to be a little different, one that sticks out enough to deserve even the tiniest bit of your attention.
Usually, this sort of guy would be instantly dismissed because of his uncertain, even shady character. His personality isn't predictable like that suave, cell phone-toting young man driving the SUV.
In truth, this curious fellow is probably one of those elusive good guys. He caught your interest because of his "rock-the-boat" taste in attire. Girls, he's different for a reason. I'm sure he'd love to tell you why.
It's quite difficult to list the specific traits of the nice, sweet guy because it's his uniqueness that makes him such. His personality, carefully designed by self-expression, invents a delightful style all his own.
Too often, a girl glances right over the good guy because her powers of inspection have been distracted by a flickering gold chain or an expertly tucked-in shirt.
Speaking of cheap, beware of anything gold, especially if it reeks of Mr. T's last yard sale.
Also, be on guard for "billboard syndrome." You know, brand names flashing from head to toe. And try not to let yourself get backed into a corner by a bunch of Abercrombie shirts.
A guy who places an overemphasis on vanity indicates that his sweet talk may include quotes from Hey Dude, Where's My Car or fairy tales stressing how much he can lift. If they look like they dressed to hook up, they probably dressed to hook up.
Where are the good guys, you ask? All around you.
He may be the guy who doesn't seem to be talking to anyone or having much fun at the time. He could be the neighbor from across the hall that you hardly see. He could even be the lad frantically scraping the gum out of his hair because he finally shattered the bubble record.
Why, the good guy could be sitting next to you as you read this column, quietly tortured by his inner scramble for something relevant to say to capture your attention. Keep this in mind when you walk out of class.
For him, your departure tragically confirms that he has, once again, fallen victim to missed opportunity.
If you've been wondering, there's a reason why some guys stand so close to you when they're waiting to cross the street or choose to sit right beside you when plenty of other seats are available.
The same reason also explains why there always seems to be a guy pretending not to be staring at you from across the room. The reason is our fascination, the suspicion that you may be fantastically cool and understanding. We want to know you, but can't seem to take the risk that might set us up for another failure.
Most often, though, we're just too modest or shy to talk to you.
The good guy chooses from either this excuse or the other one affirming the thought: "She's probably been hit on enough tonight. Leave her alone."
If you take one thing from my column, it should be this: You may have to make the first move and spark a conversation. Don't be afraid.
Keep the flirty dialogue rolling with all of your carefully crafted sentiment. This suggestion is directed not only to the girls but also to any of those good guys.
Keep these suggestions in mind when you're out on your proverbial search. Maybe I'll run into you along the way. Until then, enjoy the music.
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