Well, well, well. It seems as though we meet once again, my brothers and sisters. Now, I've been told that some of you poor, unfortunate souls out there may not know who I am. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. I am Shonuff. And I am your shogun.

I'll tell you, since last semester, when I informed you that I was the last remaining sex symbol in State College, life has been good to good ol' Uncle Sho Sho. Thus, we have our topic for this semester's edition of "For the Peoples."

"It's Good to Be the Shogun" is the title of this semester's rant and rave and, if I must say so myself, there has never been a statement that has rung truer. So read up and enjoy, my little shogunites.

First of all, to the misfortune of all you loyal followers, this semester shall be my last one up here at State College. I know, I'm quite heartbroken about it as all of you must be right now. But be strong, for we still have this wonderful semester to look forward to.

You're probably thinking, "If you won't be here, who will be the shogun? Who will defend us from evil and injustice? And if you're not here, we won't have any sex symbols of whom the mere thought can keep us warm throughout the long, cold Penn State nights."

No need to fret, my beautiful ones. I am currently in the process of finding my successor to the title of shogun. I have a couple of candidates who should be more than able to handle the job and the territory that goes with it. Of course, they have big shoes to fill, but we all know it's hard to follow a legend. Just ask the guy who'll succeed JoePa.

As for the sex symbols, I think that there might be a couple of people out there that could qualify for the part. But they will need my seal of approval to make it official, so you wannabes can email me to see if you can make the cut.

But back to the topic at hand, the good life that I live. Being a sex symbol has allowed me to partake in many activities that we sex symbols partake in. You might know it as the jet-set lifestyle, but I like to think of it as just another day at the office.

Flying around the world to places like Paris, Milan, Ibiza, and many other hot spots just to mingle with the other sex symbols of the world has been a pretty cool gig. The women, the cocktails, the entertainment.

All of these things can wreak havoc on one's schedule, especially when you've got a 9:05 the next morning.

Meeting people is easier than one would think while in the jet set.

I have tons of princesses, heiresses and other celebrities who approach me all the time. And my many admirers also love to give gifts, which I am more than grateful to receive.

In fact, the latest gift that I have received is probably the coolest one yet. Just recently, I have been given the deed to Prince Edward Island in Canada.

I didn't even know that they could do that, but she assured me that it's valid.

The first order of business is to inform you that from this day forward, Prince Edward Island shall be referred to as Shoshonia. It took me a while to come up with the name but being Shonuff the Shogun, the name seems logical.

Secondly, all inhabitants, or Shoshonians, have to make a choice as to where their loyalties lie. Shoshonia will become an independent nation as of Nov. 28, which will be a national holiday for it is the birthday of yours truly.

If they choose to remain Canadians, silly ones, then they will be removed from the island. It's nothing personal, but I must demand full loyalty from all Shoshonians.

Another idea that I've been batting around is having Clothing Optional Wednesday. Any other day would do fine as well but I chose it because it is Hump Day, and I can't think of a better way to spend it. Can you? That's what I thought.

These are just a couple of ideas that I've been thinking of but they are not final as of yet, except for referring to the island as Shoshonia.

Any ideas from you, my loyal shogunites, will be welcomed. I won't guarantee anything, but you never know.

Looking at my Gucci watch, another present from an admirer, I see that my time is coming to an end. I wish all of you a fabulous semester and remind you to keep it surreal.

That's all folks. The shogun has left the building.