Eleven unusual things for companies to do with those pesky recalled tires

As many of you know, Firestone had some problems with their tires and had to recall a few. And by a few, I mean 30,000. This was a huge hit for Ford, who uses Firestone tires on many of its models. Sure, there are tons of problems to solve at Ford now as a result of this catastrophe, such as lawsuits and whatnot.

However, a problem to which they may not have cast an eye just yet, and one that I think I can help them with, is what on earth to do with all of those recalled Firestone tires.

There are many viable solutions to this problem, due mostly to the fact that there aren't too many established methods of getting rid of 30,000 tires, and I, for Ford and Firestone's convenience, have provided a bevy of solutions in an easily digestible list format:

The tires could be donated to various Ford plants around the country for "Construct and Burn a 60 Foot Effigy of Jack Welch Day," to be celebrated at their soonest convenience.
The tires could be sold to the Bush/Cheney 2000 campaign so that, in the event of their election to office, they could hold a huge bonfire with the tires to clear up any confusion about their lack of commitment to the environment.
The tires could be suspended from various locations inside Beaver Stadium for throwing drills.

If you're going to throw your soda, it might as well be accurate.
The tires could be used to spearhead a public-works campaign throughout the state of Michigan, where three lucky high schools would be selected to have their physical education departments rewarded with 3/4-mile tire runs.
The rubber in the tires could be used to make new swim caps for all Venezuelan water polo players, but first and foremost those at Penn State, because they are best.
In an effort to boost its value worldwide, the euro could switch over to a tire-based currency. The transition would be shaky at first, but eventually things would work out in everyone's best interest.
They could be given as farewell gifts to every Death Row inmate in Texas. At the going rate, they would be gone in about a month.
The tires could be sold wholesale to Gumby's Pizza. You can't tell me there isn't at least a little bit of rubber in Pokey Sticks anyway.
The tires could be sold to the University of Wisconsin Athletic Department, who could then use the rubber for the soles of athletic shoes, so maybe the football team could get legitimate shoe discounts.
They could simply be tossed from atop buildings in Prague at IMF protesters.
They could be donated en masse to the Olympics, to make cheap Olympic logos and to create a team of eight-foot tall Tire People for Vince Carter to dunk over, since apparently real people are just too easy.
The tires could be donated to several Penn State students, whom, under cover of darkness, could put them on the University of Illinois' team bus, thus forcing them to miss the game and getting JoePa one win closer to Bear Bryant's all time win record.

As I have stated before, I am merely trying to lend a helping hand to the friendly folks at Firestone. They don't have to follow my suggestions, but they may find that I'm on to something.