You also question yourself:

"Why didn't I talk to that girl when I had the chance?"

"Why didn't I study harder for that exam?"

"What's in a 'Slippery Nipple' anyway?"

Some of us even ask questions like:

"Why the hell have I been piercing myself all these weeks when I can get other suckers to do it for me?"

It's taken me 12 weeks to do it, but I finally found a fool -- I mean, a friend -- to give me a break. Besides, did you really think I was going to pierce myself on week 13?

The clitoral hood

When I wrote about piercing my penis, I said I wanted to inform you about the female genitalia piercing. But frankly, I didn't have the right equipment. Luckily, though, I found someone willing to help me out by getting her nether regions pierced.

She wishes to remain anonymous. So in honor of "Seinfeld," let's just call her Dolores.

It wasn't that easy finding a willing victim -- I mean, participant. What was I supposed to do? I don't think walking on campus asking random girls to get their genitals pierced would have gone very well. Thankfully, one of my friends agreed to go through with it and my nightmare of accosting the women of Penn State never became reality.

Walking to the piercing parlor, Dolores told me she was nervous. When we got to Forbidden Fruit, 110 Hetzel St., her nerves became apparent because she repeatedly visited the bathroom. Although she wouldn't admit it, I think Dolores wished she hadn't agreed to this.

Like the male genital piercing, there are a few different areas of the female genitalia that can be pierced.

The labia can be pierced, but it's mostly for the looks, and pleasure of the men. The rubbing of the labia piercing on the penis is supposed to enhance sex. However, the healing process takes at least a month.

Another piercing is the clitoral hood -- which is different than the clitoris. The clitoris is an organ similar to the penis, but the clitoral hood is the soft spongy skin around it -- the female equivalent to the male foreskin. A clitoral hood piercing gives more pleasure to the woman and heals in about a week. More than the labia piercing, the hood piercing is for sex.

Dolores had wanted to go with the labia piercing, but after the piercer told her the labia took at least a month to heal compared to the hood's week, she changed her mind.

This is another piercing where you're going to have to feel comfortable with showing off what we used to call our "private parts." If you're a stripper, an exhibitionist or just can't keep your pants on, it's no problem. But if the thought of just wearing a bikini gives you the chills, you might be out of luck.

Because Dolores felt nervous, I left the room when she had to drop her pants -- I didn't want to add to her anxiety. But her friends were there for support and I was in the next room waiting for the screaming to begin.

When Dolores mounted the chair, bottomless, the first words out of the piercer's mouth were "Oh, she's easy." Her friends agreed, but he meant that she had a "textbook vagina," as he put it, and it wouldn't be a problem piercing it.

As with most piercings, a clamp was used. "The

clamp didn't hurt at all," Dolores explained. Although it might be cold, it shouldn't really hurt.

The piercing itself is a different story.

"(The piercer) said it was just going to be a pinch, and it was more than a pinch," she said.

Although the pain only lasted for about two seconds, Dolores said it was one of the worst pains in her life. Her face conveyed her agony, and her friends were so worried one of them squeezed the other's arm so hard it left a bruise. And you thought spectators couldn't get hurt.

After it was done, the walk to the car wasn't at all painful, Dolores said -- although she did walk kind of funny.

As with any other piercing, the hood piercing has to be cleaned. However, this piercing is the quickest healer. While the navel or eyebrow can take a few months to heal, the hood is healed in about a week.

Like with the penis piercing, you should abstain from sex during the healing period, which shouldn't be a problem, according to Dolores. For the first couple of days she was sore, and she claims it itched a lot. But after a good cleaning about four days later, she said she could hardly feel it.

I've heard many women who get a hood piercing have orgasms while walking or crossing their legs. Although the orgasmic level varies from person to person, most women have at least some feeling.

Dolores said sudden movements or jeans that rubbed gave her a tingly feeling. When cooking dinner the evening of the piercing, she turned around quickly to ask me a question and, as she says, "juiced." Apparently this happened a few times; she told me she actually had to change her underwear during her first day back to class.

"It was going up stairs and up on curbs that did it," she explained.

Dolores had a 12-gauge 5/8-inch hoop put in, but she wants to get a smaller one now (it does seem huge on her).

Although this piercing doesn't seem as pricey as the penis, it is still expensive. But I guess some of you will pay a lot to have orgasms during a boring class. At both Exotic Zombie body piercing, 225 W. Beaver Ave., and Art of the Ages Inc., 103 S. Pugh St., the hood piercing costs $60 and Forbidden Fruit charges $50.

After a few days, Dolores seemed to regret getting the piercing. "I wouldn't recommend it now," she said, "but I probably would in about a week." After a few more days I'm sure she'll be changing her tune.

Well, I guess this is the end.

No more piercing articles from me. It's sort of a bittersweet ending, I'd say.

Although at times I hated having to get the piercings, I did like the attention I received -- and God knows I can't let that stop. So, what should I do for next semester? I've got to think of something to extend this 15 minutes of fame -- Andy Warhol would be proud.

So until next semester, I guess this is goodbye -- unless someone has a place for me to stay this summer, now that my parents have disowned me.