I've decided that the topic of house movies needs to be discussed. You know what I'm talking about. Every dorm or apartment has a movie that they watch over and over and over again until the tape is so battered and abused that Mel Gibson could easily be confused for a busty blonde on a scrambled Spice channel. The reality of it is that the range of house movies is pretty broad.

"Mallrats." You have everything in it -- death, destruction, drugs, mayhem, love, lust, breasts, a reference to the New Kids and a happy ending. Pure entertainment.

It so much more than the stupid flick it has been labeled. What other movie has pulled off such love stories as this? On one side you have a man, Brodie, who struggles between the love of his life and Sega.

After all, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by Sega. But on the other hand, you have a T.S. who has spent months sliming his way into his loved one's panties, only to be dumped after he caused the death of a friend.

This movie has special messages brought to the viewer by a variety of cast members. The determination of T.S. is noted in "Mallrats." No matter what happens he never gives up on his quest for love. At one point he gets hammered in his boys and kicked by his best friend while down on the ground. What does he do you ask? He gets up and looks for his girl. Determination is the lesson I learned.

Brodie doesn't have the same passion and determination as T.S. He is what I call a professional lounger. In short, Brodie is a bit crude, but his mission for love in no less important. The difficult part for him is he doesn't know that love has bitten him in the ass until it's too late. He gets dumped for a guy who takes chicks to the Cheese house and opera just to try and invade them.

"Bootycall" is another great film. Strangely enough, this movie also deals with the toils and tribulations of two men and their relationships. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic at heart.

At first viewing it can be seen as just a movie about two guys trying to attain what many men desire. After the 10th or 11th viewing, the characters come alive and the interwoven messages come to the forefront.

The trials of both men are very different. Rushon has genuine feeling for Nikki, and he wants to have sex. Bunz just wants sex with Listy. It's just that simple.

The film has something "Mallrats" doesn't. It shows the audience the clash between social classes. Bunz is a common hood rat with a gold gas card that has some platinum privileges, but the problem is he doesn't have a car. He clashes with Listy, a snooty rich girl ordering the surf 'n turf with a bottle of Moet.

Another problem is the clash of different races. Bunz, of African-American decent, confronts the boss of the Asian mob. By showing a little diplomacy and respect to the man Bunz averts an ugly brawl and secures some booty points with the girl.

Rushon is the weaker of the two men at the open of the movie, but he puts his two cents in when it counts. When it finally looks like the two men are going share an intimate moment with the ladies, Rushon presses question of protection. Here's a little tip from me to you -- only use condoms made of latex. They find out the hard way when several attempts at finding a cap turns up sheep intestine condoms.

I'll leave you with a few tips of wisdom. Never ever lend your plunger to the girls across the hall, in times of crisis, freeze all the milk you can and bestiality is illegal in all 50 states, but that doesn't prevent you from moving to a foreign land.