Break out the bananas: Time for spring break memories

Black, suped-up Mustangs and Camaros with custom wheels and booming bass boxes coast the water's edge. Instead of beautiful tame blonde men and women basking in a peaceful coexistence on sandy shores, screaming, drunken students cavort out of the sun roof of a nice Mercedes. Also, I can't neglect the occasional grandma and grandpa cruising with their rag top down. I'd imagine that children raised in the area are used to looking both ways before getting into the ocean.

The best part of this whole spring break trip is the partying that starts at about noon.

Various wet T-shirt contests are to be attended and other mildly entertaining banana-sucking, toilet-plunger-rubbing contests are to be seen, none of which implicate any type of sexual activity in any way.

Then the sun sets, and every last drop of sunlight has been sopped up into the epidermis. It is now time to hit the clubbing scene. Any respectable scholar has a clubbing outfit. For men, it ranges from the usual plaid shirt and khaki pants to the silky smooth button down. Female members of the academic persuasion prefer the tight black top and retro pants or something to that effect. These elements, when mixed together, form a splendid potpourri of what many would refer to as a "meat market." It's strange because I didn't see large quantities of beef being vigorously sold.

Therefore, I am guessing it is a term for when men and women unite in barbarous celebration where everyone is looking to meet someone.

For those who have been living in a cave, this activity involves a gyration of the pelvic region in a harmonious manner with a member of the opposite sex. Though it may be legally called grinding when this motion is replicated with any foreign object, such as a tree or something, I'm not sure.

Once everyone is all warmed up, it is off to the dance scene. This may be the most entertaining part of the trip. Who has the best pick-up line?

Another colleague of mine exemplified this fine facet of the voyage by telling a girl that he was from Alaska, even though he is from Lebanon, Pa.

"So, where do you go to school?" she asks.

Begin grinding.

"Juneau, Alaska," he replies.

"Oh really."

"Yep, I was out racing in the Iditarod and my sled dogs took a detour to Florida. They're sitting outside if you want to see."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm serious. At home, I live in an igloo castle with a glass dome. It's beautiful."

At this point, the girl was so impressed with his artistic oratory and ability to creatively lie that she was held defenseless under his charm. Simply amazing. However, my personal favorite line is to ask someone if you can buy him or her a drink during happy hours when drinks are free. That's always a good laugh.

The night ends with groups of inebriated young adults stumbling back to their rooms. Some find the need to release built up energy by grinding with various shrubs and the tree as mentioned above. Others are all ground out hoping to survive the post-party.

After a whole week of this, one swears never to consume barley or hops in any form. Is this normal behavior? I'm not sure if students party like this all over the world, but I bet it's still the same concept, give or take a few banana-sucking contests. The funny thing is that I probably just described the normal Penn Stater's weekend.