Body image, positive or negative, shapes people's lives

Hey, Fatty Boobalatty! No, Fatty Boobalatty is not the name of a cartoon character from by-gone years. It is me.

It was not only my sister who chided my anti-svelte physique. Classmates, cousins, anybody who was anyone would get in on the derision. I remember the humiliation of having to go to the special store to buy "husky" clothes.

I remember when my friends and I went to see Return of the Jedi in the movie theater, and for days afterward they called me Jabba Jr. I just laughed right along with them, trying to hide the humiliation and self-loathing.

You can probably guess the rest of the story from here. I got older, I got taller, and I lost my baby-fat look.

I was still overweight, but by the time we got to high school, there were bigger fish to fry, so to speak.

So, the chapter of my book entitled "Dennis Kalup, obese overachieving 10-year-old" comes to a close.

To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think it ever will. Deep down inside, I think there will always be a fat little 10-year-old boy cowering in a corner eating candy bars.

This part of me will always be a powerful influence over that subtle yet potent mystery of the human psyche: BODY IMAGE.

You may scoff at my apparent obsession.

Scoff not, I say. Body image is a very powerful force in our society. It affects people in many different ways, some positive, but most negative.

Most people I talk to are not happy with their bodies. I used to think only heavy people suffered from this social stigma. The people that I consider to be "in shape" and "thin" have things about their bodies they would like to change, or alter.

I could sit around and blame my mother for feeding me the wrong types of food. I could blame society for stigmatizing fat people. I could blame the fact that I broke my leg when I was eight years old and had to be laid up for about six months. In fact, I used to blame it on all three. Then it happened.

I realized that it wasn't about blame, or anger, or that scared little 10-year-old anymore. It was about me being happy. That's all. I also realized that no matter how much I worked out, I was still going to be big. Not necessarily overweight, but I will probably always weigh over two hundred pounds and have a 36-inch waist.

My personal revelation was enough for me, but my friends and family wouldn't buy it. When I tried to explain to them that there was so much more in life to worry about and happiness is paramount, they disagreed.

So, as you can see, I can't change society. I will try to change whatever I can.

I get so excited whenever I see someone on television that is not the epitome of svelte and isn't the object of derision. Too often in the media, people who are overweight or not the ideal body of fitness are the butt of jokes.

There is my mother's favorite saying, "She (or he) has such a pretty face . . . it is a shame she (or he) is so big . . ." and then a lecture about their horrid eating habits.

I am sure this person doesn't go around thinking, "Gee, I am so glad I am pretty, it is a shame I ruined it with all of this weight."

Which brings me to another point. When you make fun of someone's weight, those insults can be the most damaging.

I am proud to be gay, I am proud to be a feminist, as the result of a community of people and support. There really aren't too many people rallying around to support people who are being made fun of because of their physical appearance.

Think about it.

So I tell you, I am proud of my body. It might not be the "physical ideal" but to be cliche for a moment, it is all I got. So, I make the most of it.

A friend of mine -- the archetypal big, buxom womyn -- was the one that truly helped me with this issue. Her nonchalance in the face of people who would ridicule her was amazing, and she reeked of self confidence. One of her favorite phrases is "I take up a lot of space in this world." This has been my motto ever since.

This is not to say it doesn't get to her sometimes. I would be lying if I said it didn't. But her resolve is amazing, and it never gets to her long. Why? She takes up space in the world, and no one is going to take that away from her.

So, to those of you who might consider yourself fat, ugly, or unappealing, this is my charge to you: Take up some space. Be proud of your space. It isn't easy, but it is the first step out the door to the rest of the world.