USG election candidates, pick up the clue phone

The familiar scent is wafting through the air yet again. If you were to follow this odor to its source, you would arrive at the second floor of the HUB.

For those of you who are new to campus or forgot all the fun we had last year, let me give you my brief preview.

Well, right about now different camps are marshaling their forces for a bitter battle to the finish. Soon all of the bulletin boards in the HUB will be plastered with brightly colored fliers proclaiming the virtues of the different candidates.

After we come back from spring break, the candidates will be in the thick of things, running hither and thither from debate to late night strategy meaning.

After all is said and done, one pair will reign victorious.

All of the paper wasted, all of the late night runs to get extra supplies, all of that comes together in one moment as the winners are announced. Truly a glorious moment for PSU.

Yea, right.

This is simply another reason for people to get together and drink. After all is said and done, this is just one big party culminating in the grandest of all parties after the results are announced.

All of the campaigning is ridiculous.

People are so wrapped up in their petty popularity fights that they forget about the students and what they need because they are blinded by election fever. And once the winners are announced, they realize that they actually have to DO something, and that is when the same old cycle begins.

The people that run for this election are always different, and yet predictable.

There is always the secret society entry. This is the person chosen by the elite of the elite here at PSU to represent them on the battlefield. Not only does this person have the extra added bonus of connections, but resources are endless.

Needless to say, the elitist's pick for the job is always a forerunner in the race.

There are a bunch of other people who run for the coveted seat as well.

Usually there is some sort of wacky independent that is all for abolishing USG and tearing down all student government.

Usually there is a fraternity entry, representing the interests of those who party a lot.

Every now and again, there is a naïve entry of people who actually think that they can change the University overnight.

And, for those of you who were here last year for elections, who could forget the infamous Cock and Fish?

For those of you who are not familiar with the Cock and Fish, a group of irate students got enough signatures to enter a six-inch dildo and plastic fish in the last election. So, as you can see, it takes all kinds.

To make matters worse, there is a group of people who run around monitoring the election. They make sure that no one is "cheating," i.e., using unapproved fliers, squelching someone else's rights or (GASP) spending more than the unmentionable amount of money that they are now allowed to spend on their own self-gratification.

As you can see, this is shaping up to be quite the circus.

This is my fourth year observing this mess and I think that each year it gets more and more interesting.

I am waiting for the year that someone finally cuts through all the hype and actually gets something done during their campaign.

Hell, I have even helped friends with campaigns in the past, just because I thought it was such an interesting process that I wanted to see just how in-depth these people were. This is the real deal.

My message to all of you potential candidates: You must chill.

The sad fact is, this is not the real world. I know, this is a hard pill for most of you to swallow -- it is tough for me sometimes -- but it's time to pick up the clue phone.

The sad reality is that a very small percentage of people actually vote in these damn elections. I know most of you are willing to chalk this up to apathy, but did you ever stop to think that they feel so detached from what you are doing, they don't even think that their vote WILL make a difference? Most people that do vote are probably the HUB-clubbers plus their close friends and acquaintances.

How do you expect people to get involved and vote when you are all sealed up in your insular world of the HUB, the G-man, and secret meetings? Maybe if you stopped blaming all of the "apathetic" people around this campus and assessed your own actions, you might be surprised.

So, another election will open and close with all of the high-powered drama that usually surrounds this type of one-upmanship.

Maybe this year they will face reality and rename it the EGO elections as opposed to the USG elections.