My Opinion
Differences in communication styles: No? Maybe! Yes.

Once there was a kingdom ruled by a fair king. The people were very pleased with their king's judgment and ability to communicate successfully with them. Moreover, he used to involve his people in decison making by holding regular meetings with them. One day, a magician came by that kingdom and dropped a secret formula in the well where all the people except the king got their drinking water. Anyone who drank from that well would lose his or her mind. So, by the end of the day, all the inhabitants of the kingdom had drank from that water and lost their minds.

That day, a meeting was scheduled with the king. At the meeting, everything the king said was weird, as if it was the first time he communicated with the people, while everybody else said something that made sense. After the meeting, the people discussed the situation of their king and agreed that he probably lost his mind and thus would be unable to remain king.

Meanwhile, the king, puzzled by the changes in his people, investigated the issue, found out about the magician and tried his best to cure his people, but couldn't. So, he went ahead and drank from the well. To the people, he had gained his mind back and everybody was pleased.

I often wish there is water I could drink to overcome the differences in communication styles between me and Americans. I guess life was easier in the king's times. Somehow, the differences are not as pronounced with other international students as with American students.

Part of the problem results from the fact that most international students are not native speakers of American English. We tend to be taught a British accent blended with mistakes in pronunciation that originate from mixing our native language with English.

Soon after we arrive at the United States, we invest a huge amount of effort trying to understand what the American speaker is saying. It often seems that we are the only party trying to decode. To some American speakers, we are breaking the rules of the language and their ears were not sensitized to hear us. So, why try now?

Of course, there are exceptions. A friend of mine insists that I should not try to correct my pronunciation because my accent makes my language different and cute. Also, she feels that she has been sensitized to hear the language spoken in many different ways and that other Americans need to acquire that ability since English is quickly becoming an international language. So, it is normal that people on the globe will pronounce the same word in different ways. Here, people in the South pronounce words differently from people in the North.

Understanding the language is one hurdle; making ourselves understood is another. Some international students speak softer and lower than usual and others speak louder. My sense is that it is better to speak louder than lower because the listener only has to understand what is said instead of having to both hear and understand.

Greeting is another gray area. In many cultures, saying "hi" to another person engaged in a conversation is not interference. The other person engaged in a conversation can wave his or her hand and continue the conversation. Here, it seems that each person has an allocated time. When it is my time, no one else can take that slot and so I am expected not to invade another person's slot of time. It takes a lot of wisdom to understand this concept. Meanwhile, international students are baffled by a teacher or a student whom they know really well but who does not reply to their greeting.

Finally, in many societies, achievement is highly sought but at the same time, sharing knowledge is equally valuable. Students who keep information to themselves are judged as mean and egoistic. Also, students who try to learn all the time by themselves are evaluated as unable to work successfully in a group. However, here, feeling competent in one's own knowledge and in acquiring that knowledge by oneself creates pride and a sense of agency. A person who relies on study groups is judged as lazy and unable to do the work on his or her own.

Maybe it is naive that I haven't thought that differences in communication styles will arise before coming to this country. I admit I haven't. As long as I satisfied the academic requirements, I felt relaxed. I often told myself that if students in "Saved by the Bell" (we have it in Lebanon) are able to express their opinions and they are still in high school, it should be equally easy to express opinions and make oneself understood at the university level. I forgot that television is not real life.

I was also naive to think that wanting to be friendly will automatically result in having friends. To reach that objective, I need an intensive four-credit course in how to overcome differences in communication styles without feeling that I too, like the king, have lost my mind in the process...