I have discoloring snapshots in volumes of albums, us dressed in polyester and posing at birthday parties. I have the recipes from holiday dinners, us sitting around a circular table, acting civilized with real China plates and folded napkins. We are a rare and dying breed, perhaps to the critical pessimist or stark realist. We are the intact nuclear family any Republican would uphold and any psychoanalyst would challenge.

By far, we are not perfect, and it is a struggle to survive in a society that pressures the equilibrium of the family. The dynamics of the nuclear family are influenced by the economy, community, peers, education and work force. Without a doubt, the stresses placed upon the family are immense.

In this modern world of high technology and high anxiety, individuals no longer turn to families for sanctuary, for, upon return home, it is evident the household itself is in a state of some unique insanity. Whether the utopic stability a family should offer is realistic or idealistic, the stark evidence is that every family is indeed dysfunctional.

According to family therapist Augustus Napier, the family functions as a system in which each individual relates to another, creating a pattern that maintains itself by "making changes within itself." But, the various crises that arise within families are rooted in their inability to communicate directly, therefore making change in the structure nearly impossible.

Inevitably, through influences outside the family, individual members change and grow, yet not within the family itself. This is the cause of friction between parents and children, or other sub-relationships within the family. Did you ever wonder why you suddenly feel like a five year old in the presence of your parents? Why do older siblings continue to boss you around, you, their personal punching bag and indentured servant? Why do parents still believe in curfews -- you're no longer 15?

It is because, though you have changed and established your own ideas and way of life, the basic structure and rules of the family haven't changed accordingly. In other words, you will always be your parents' child and never an individual self.

For "broken families," the family's inability to stay together is its failure to communicate and adapt through space and time. Divorce and separation are legal and physical severences of family ties, but really, one is never free. The patterns of interaction we have learned from our families are the skills we draw upon when relating to others. There is always, if not an emotional, a sociological and psychological connection to one's family of origin. It is true, "unstable people come from unstable families."

On the other hand, many times a family's unity is based upon its incapacity to change. This is as insane a scenario as divorce, yet for some reason, our society revels in a family's ability to maintain its slow and painful process of producing lunacy in wedlock. In maintaining a superficial unity, families run the risk of individual alienation and desensitization.

Like any living system, a family must experience frequent change to afford individuals personal change. Somehow, the lessons we should learn in families about building healthy relationships are overlooked and bypassed by paying the bills, building careers and preparing dinner. In the meantime, we drive each other crazy or neglect emotional needs.

A delicate connection holds families together. For some, it is obligation, for others guilt. And, for the lucky ones, it is love. But, really, is love enough? Family breakdown is not about extrammarital affairs, alcoholism or teenage pregnancy. These symptoms do, however, point to the underlying problem -- no one is communicating the need to change or learning to relate.

If it is not the name, traditions or (mis)fortunes we inherit from our families, it is definitely the struggle between relating to others and finding one's self. The important thing to do is to push the limits to resolve familiy issues, for until you do, you will never be free. And, most likely, you'll repeat the cycle, and from forth your loins, another dysfunctional family will develop.