When Ricky Sayles looked across the line of scrimmage, he saw a row of enemies -- sweating, grunting, and waiting with bated breath for a chance to knock him down, hard. On this playing field, the former Penn State wide receiver and tight end usually triumphed.

But outside of Beaver Stadium, Sayles was known to Happy Valley fans as an insidious character -- his reputation tarnished with scandal, as a community wondered and whispered . . . whatever happened to Ricky Sayles? A community that knew nothing about him, except what it had read or heard through the media.

Sayles still trains most mornings at the football weight-room in hopes of playing professionally in Canada. He also keeps busy raising his four-year-old daughter, Erika, who lives with her mother in Sayles' hometown of McKeesport. But Sayles said life would have been different for him, had he not made one regretful mistake.

Now, in an interview a year and a half after he and sophomore wide receiver Bobby Engram were arrested for burglarizing an apartment of stereo equipment, Sayles talked openly about his experience as a Nittany Lion. He reflected on that infamous summer of 1992 with remorse, but an air of self-pride exuded from his 6-foot-5 frame. A look of self-determination showed in his eyes. Repressed anger crept up slowly as memories of Penn State football rushed to his mind.

"(The arrest) was a setback and I blame myself for it," Sayles said, rap music playing softly in the background. "I probably would've been playing (professionally) right now. I've been taking stumbles like that in my life."

Sayles and Engram were both suspended from the team that year, but Engram came back last season and blossomed into one of Penn State's top players. Sayles, who said he still had a year of eligiblility left, wasn't allowed to come back at all. And he said he still doesn't see a clear reason for it.

"Joe (Paterno) and I had animosity from way back," Sayles said. "Guys were like, why doesn't he play you? I was forced into the backseat. When (the arrest) happened, it gave him an excuse to get rid of me."

And to this day, Football Coach Joe Paterno's reasoning behind that decision remains private.

"I'm not at liberty to tell you all the things," Paterno said. "Ricky Sayles played for us. I hope things have worked out for him. We spent an awful lot of time in this office, doing what we can to help Ricky Sayles . . . I only wish him the best."

Engram, who remains friends with Sayles, said the two take more responsiblilty for their actions now. What originally motivated the two to commit a crime, they said, amounted to nothing more than poor judgement. Engram described the incident as a "one-time thing" -- a "wake-up call" for him and Sayles, but not characteristic of either of them.

"It was a kind of the spur-of-the-moment thing," Engram said. "To be honest, I don't even really remember what was said or what happened. It just happened and then it was over, and we were like, 'Why, why did we do this?' "

But Sayles remembers. He said he remembers walking into a Lexington House apartment, 518 University Dr., with Engram late at night -- looking for one of their teammates, but finding a group of passed-out students instead. No one was awake. No one would see.

"(Bobby) looked at me and he looked at the stuff and I said, 'I don't care -- take it,' " Sayles said, adding he regretted saying that to Engram. "It was all going to be Bobby's."

Sayles said he was suspended from school the following fall season, but he still had one season of eligiblity remaining in his collegiate carreer. He wasn't welcome, however. Paterno had already told Sayles he wouldn't be thrilled to have him back on the team. He said Paterno wouldn't lend him a hand or set him up with a summer job to ease the burden of school bills, something normally done for players. Sayles also asserted that Paterno tried to keep friends, such as former Lion Bobby Samuels, away from him -- even before he got in trouble with the law.

"One year me and Rick wanted to live together, and (Paterno) was like, 'I don't know if I want you living with Rick; he's a bad kid.' " Samuels said. "I was confused as hell cause I was like, if anybody on this team hasn't listened -- it's me. And he called me in to tell me Rick's a bad kid?"

Paterno remained diplomatic. "They can say anything they want to say," he said. "I can't comment on that."

Sayles said he has worked to put the incident behind him. After completing a year of criminal probation last month, Sayles' dues are paid and he said he feels confident about his future. He is now armed with a Penn State degree in psychology, but the aspiration to go pro still remains a constant in this 23-year-old's life.

"I'm going to chase my dream for two or three more years," said Sayles, who said he is in the process of changing agents.

Although Sayles was cut from training camp with the Jets in 1992, he said the experience was beneficial, as it helped pay for the two-bedroom downtown apartment in which he recently sat and spoke candidly.

"I always had confidence in my abilities to play in the league," he said. "I felt I was just as good as all those guys. The only thing was they were faster."

Sayles was good enough to get a professional tryout, but spent most of his career as a Nittany Lion in the backseat, where playing time was scarce. However, Samuels, who was eventually dismissed from the team because of deficient grades, said he managed to stay out of the backseat despite his academic problems.

"I would say for me being the biggest rebel in our class, I definitely got more chances than everybody else . . . because of the type of athlete that I am," he said.

It's an issue of having more tolerance for some players' behavior, but not for others -- at least that's how Sayles sees it. But Paterno said he doesn't feel that's necessarily true.

"I've been coaching 27 years," he said. "I'm sure there's been a couple of times when some things I've done are not consistent. I wish I were that good -- that I could tell you I've been perfect."

Paterno said this was awkward for him because Sayles obviously didn't have the kind of experience he wanted at Penn State.

As far as Sayles is concerned, "Joe's a politician" and "sports and politics just don't mix.

"He's the grand chameleon," said Sayles. "He talks out of both sides of his mouth."

But Joe Paterno is not a part of Sayles' life now. And there are things more important to Sayles than football -- most importantly, his daughter.

"She's first and foremost," he said. "I'm going to succeed in life because I've got somebody I've got to take care of."

Sayles sees his daughter when he goes home, which he admits is not as often as he'd like. His mother, Elverna Sayles, said Ricky is proud of his little girl. Elverna is also proud of her son, and has been supportive of Ricky through some tough times.

"He's still the same old Rick," she said. "He just made a mistake, that's all. Just a mistake. All I could do was talk to him and stand by him."

One thing Sayles learned through this hard lesson, however, is how to stand on his own.