Mentally, he's fired up. He could compete tomorrow. Physically, he's still recovering. His shoulder couldn't handle the pressure.

In high school, gymnast Ryan McEwen often missed activities -- on purpose. As junior class president, he scheduled the prom for the same weekend as the national competition. McEwen's love of gymnastics made everything else less of a priority.

"He was relieved to have an excuse," said his mother, Paula McEwen.

So instead of attending his own prom, McEwen planned the event around the women's national meet so that one of his friends could make it to her prom.

This year, McEwen has been unable to compete, but not by his own choice. His right shoulder made that decision for him. A few years ago, he could feel it weakening, but he never imagined it would keep him from competing for a season.

"I always think just one week; I'll be fine," McEwen said of his usual reaction to injuries.

However, McEwen's torn rotator cuff was more serious than any of his previous injuries. He had considered competing this season on floor and pommel horse -- events that would put less strain on his shoulder -- but being limited to two events is frustrating to a gymnast who wants to perform the all-around.

"I can't keep improving on a bum shoulder," McEwen said. "Really there was no option."

For McEwen, surgery was the only choice. However, there are no guarantees in medicine, Dr. Wayne Sebastianelli, director of athletic medicine at the Hershey Medical Center, informed him.

"Before we went into surgery he said, 'I can't guarantee that you'll come out of this 100 percent,' " McEwen recalled.

Since his operation in late October, McEwen has been striving to regain his strength. He began rehabilitation only a few days after his surgery.

"He started out having to learn to move his arm all over again," said Angela Carlson, the team's athletic trainer.

The biggest battle for McEwen has been quieting his competitive drive, something that intensifies as he watches his teammates perform.

"I miss knowing I'm up next, knowing I have to perform to help my team," McEwen said. "I like just walking in and knowing we can rock this place."

He may not be able to contribute to the score, but he has been a driving force in boosting team morale, Coach Randy Jepson said. McEwen channels his desire to improve his routines into coaching his teammates.But when the crowd cheers and McEwen is on the sidelines, he can't help but wish he was more of a contributing factor.

"Being injured is a hard thing," he said, fidgeting uncomfortably with his hat. "You know that you can help out. I guess it's just me, knowing that I'm injured, being drawn away from the team."

McEwen accompanied the team on its trip Feb. 10 to Michigan. It was his first travel opportunity since his injury, an experience that was exciting, but difficult.

"I don't like going and not competing," he said. "It sounds terrible, but I guess it's just hard to be there and not compete."

Not being able to compete has taught McEwen the value of his health and his talent, McEwen said. By sitting out the season, he is able to look at his sport from the outside.

"It's made me realize how awesome it is to compete," the sophomore said. "You learn a lesson -- you just don't get injured. I wish I could've learned the lessons I learned without being injured."