It's that time again.
When the 15 reindeer enter the Lillehammer Olympic stadium for the Opening Ceremonies tomorrow (Rudolph won't be there -- he was disqualified for allegedly kneecapping Blitzen), the 1994 Winter Olympics will commence.
I know what you're probably thinking: Who cares? The only good parts of the Olympics are the hockey games, the ski jumping (remember Eddie the Eagle?) and the agony of defeat that we see from all events, right?
Well, let me set you straight. The joy I have received from viewing the events on ice rivals no other. The way that the athletes -- both men and women -- skate, glide, spin, float and fly over the ice resembles nothing short of heaven.
And in this age of extremely young competitors (see: 15 year-old Ukranian Kate Moss-wannabe, figure skater and gold medal-lock Oksana Baiul), these Olympics will mark a new trend in winter sports. The "Over-the-Hill Gang" is coming back to reclaim what is rightfully theirs.
After successfully obtaining gold medals in the past two, three or four Olympics, the older skaters will be taking the stage once again in a dire attempt to recapture the spotlight as so many of their contemporaries have (see: recently-retired Nolan Ryan, perennial backup Steve DeBerg, Robert "the Chief" Parrish).
Heading this cast of Peter Pan Syndromers are two pairs of Russian figure skaters who represent the gold medal winners from Calgary and Albertville. The 1988 champions and recently-married Ekaterina Goordeva and Sergei Grinkov will be battling 1992 champs Natalia Mishkutienok and Artur Dmitriev on the ice and on the airwaves this week. I predict that Greg "Call me, Fox Network!" Gumbel will have more pronounciation mistakes than Paula Zahn and Pat O'Brien put together. And I will be counting.
(Sidebar: Joining the Russians in the "Galazkiewiecz? Yes I Am" category are Dutch speed skater Rintje Ritsma, Italian luger Gerda Weissensteiner, Norweigan skiier Kjetil Andr Aamodt and German biathlete Uschi Disl. Whatever happened to easy names like Korbut, Fleming and Tomba? Good luck with those surnames, CBS.)
For the past six years, two of the world's greatest figure skaters have been dancing in exhibitional shows around the globe (see: Ice Capades, Aladdin on Ice). But for the next 16 days, Barney will be put on hold as America's Brian Boitano (1988 gold) and Germany's Katarina Witt (1984, 1988 golds) will return to the frozen tundra, trying to regain that 15 minutes of fame that has since eluded them.
In perhaps the greatest story on ice, speed skater Bonnie Blair has a chance to become the winningest American woman in Olympic history. So far, Blair's three gold medals place her second among U.S. women (with 19 others) behind three women who have accumulated four golds each. Evelyn Ashford, Janet Evans and Pat McCormick have won their quartet of golds during the Summer Games. If Blair can capture golds in the 500 and 1,000 meter races, she will have five golds, giving her sole possession of first place in a very elite category.
Now, I am not suggesting that these ice sports are the greatest athletic events ever. But they are certainly sufficient enough to serve as a diversion until baseball season starts (Prediction: Baltimore defeats Atlanta in a six-game Series, as newly-acquired Rafael Palmeiro blasts a three-run home run, off of Braves' new closer Gregg Olson, that hits the Camden Yards warehouse.)
