And the award for best comedy series goes to . . . "Married . . . With Children." All right, so it will never happen, but a guy can dream, can't he?

The facts of the case are as follows: "Married . . . with Children" is the best show on television, hands down. In an age when political correctness is tearing creativity apart at the seams, the weekly Fox smut fest is a welcome release from the bargain-brand comedy shows manufactured by the major networks.

It was also ranked 80th last week with a 6.2 Nielsen rating. In other words, more people watched "The Nanny" than this show.

Why do more people want to watch a woman with a voice that would send Rosie Perez into hiding rather than what is the best program on television? Many would guess that it is one of the signs of the Apocalypse, but I have a different theory.

America has just forgotten about, as Aladdin so eloquently put it, ". . . this diamond in the rough." Has everyone forgotten the uproar caused over the show's debut, when many people were outraged about the show's lewd content and objectionable subject matter?

Apparently they did forget, because once Tipper Gore and Jesse Helms decided 2 Live Crew posed more of a threat to our national security than Al Bundy did, the nation's focus shifted and all seemed to be lost.

I urge you to rediscover "Married . . . with Children," if for no other reason than to give yourselves something fresh to view. Think about the plots of the top shows on the tube. "Home Improvement" and "Roseanne" feature the family that loves each other, but makes it funny. "Seinfeld," "Mad About You" and "Love and War" capitalize on the Jewish-middle-class-guy-in-the-leading-role phenomenon.

There is no illusion of love anywhere in the Bundy household (unless, of course, one of the kids wants money from dear old Dad), and I don't think I've seen anyone remotely Seinfeld-ish on the show, male or female. If you see it in this light, "Married . . ." screams of originality.

Another reason the show is one of the best is because the writers do something better than any of the writers on the major networks -- they capitalize on how sick and twisted society has become, and they take it to a whole new level. Millions around the world laugh when Bud and Kelly say, "Daddy, we love you," and Al replies, "Shut up. Go away." It almost gives me the willies.

The plots are the key, plain and simple. In one typical episode, Al lets Peg sell his Playboys to buy a statue that will bring her luck when she gambles. That is a lot of decadence to cram into one half-hour sitcom, but the writers do it, and do it well. Who else could combine "hooters" and "the nudie bar" with a total disrespect for everything anyone holds dear as well as these modern geniuses?

"Married . . ." is truly a wonder of the 20th century. It combines an attractiveness of characters with fresh writing -- and a major attitude. It contradicts everything holy the way no other show can, and it has been doing it consistently for more than five years.

"Married . . . with Children" -- setting a standard of excellence that Cosby could only dream of.