they're all gonna laugh at you! -- Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler, one of the few funny people left on "Saturday Night Live," is a very sick man.

On "SNL," and when Sandler appeared on campus last spring, he seemed to be a shy and nervous man with a slightly warped sense of humor. In gonna laugh, he also comes across as a funny man, but one who is bitter about his childhood and wants to get back at everyone who made it so bad.

At several points in the album, Sandler surprises and beats up, individually, a high-school janitor, a science teacher, a bus driver and a Spanish teacher. But he clears himself in the liner notes by saying they ". . . were beaten not because they were teachers or public servants, but due to the fact that they were mass-murderers and/or necrophiliacs. Especially the Spanish teacher."

Elsewhere in the album, the listener can hang out with a wimpy kid (Sandler?) in right field or sit in during a family dinner with an over-protective mother.

The album actually contains only five songs, including his "hits" "Lunch-Lady Land" ("Sloppy-Joe, Slop-Sloppy Joe") and "The Thanksgiving Song." Unfortunately, "Red-Hooded Sweatshirt" is missing.

Other than the songs, there are 17 non-musical comedy bits with names such as "The Buffoon and the Valedictorian" and "The Longest Pee."

they're all gonna laugh at you! is actually a very funny album, but only those who enjoy Sandler's pieces on "SNL" should give it a try. By the way, the "Parental Advisory" is for real, just listen to "At a Medium Pace." It's truly disgusting.

Post Historic Monsters -- Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine

Political anger and cynisism have been common topics among bands since the inception of rock 'n' roll, but only a handful find ways to successfully communicate their opinions through poignant lyrics and meaningful tunes.

Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine is not among them.

The band's new release, Post Historic Monsters, is about the furthest thing from poignant and meaningful that there could possibly be.

The first song on the album, "2 Million Years B.C.," accosted me with an annoying brew of wanna-be punk, semi-techno and semi-industrial synthesized drum beats and insignificant lyrics. I could go on.

Like many of Carter USM's songs on this release, "2 Million Years B.C." and "A Bachelor For Baden Powell" inexplicably switch from slow, pointless beginnings to chaotic interims. Too often, I found myself staring at my stereo and thinking, "Huh?"

As for the lyrics, the duo tries too hard to be the spokesmodels against modern social calamity. Everything from corrupt commercialism and neo-Nazism to blasts against the British royal family are jumbled into rhymed, undecipherable whining. "Stuff the Jubilee," a supposed stab against the royals, is monotonous, and -- once again -- left me completely clueless. Maybe if I knew what "stuff the jubilee" meant, I'd get it.

With a voice that almost replicates those found in such legends as EMF and The Happy Mondays, lead singer Jim Bob does nothing original -- or even remotely interesting. Not only could I not understand him, but I couldn't get his annoying repetitions out of my head for several long hours.

Although the many causes Carter USM touches on are significant, its music isn't. Take a hint from the title of its second song and simply stay away from this "Music That Nobody Likes."