If you watch ESPN at all then you have undoubtedly seen the countless number of commercials for their programming mainstay SportsCenter.
But in case you don't watch a whole lot of bowling tournaments and beach volleyball matches --why else would anybody watch ESPN? -- here's what the ads amount to.
There are two different types of commercials. The first kind shows a highlight of selected athletes, followed by the player looking into the camera and "singing" the SportsCenter theme music: "Da-da-dah -- da-da-dah!"
Although they have mostly baseball players now, don't be surprised when football players and other athletes start appearing, going, "Da-da-dah --da-da-dah!" After all, ESPN did coax JoePa into appearing on TV last fall hyping the channel as being, "In Your Face!"
The other type of commercial has players describing their ultimate highlight. This idea has potential. If ESPN really wants to get more viewers, they should have fans write in with their own ideas.
This could be a Penn State football fan's ultimate highlight:
In the last game of the season, Penn State trails Michigan State 23-20 with less than a minute left in the game. Michigan has already lost to Ohio State, so a win against the Spartans guarantees the Lions a Rose Bowl berth in their inaugural Big Ten season.
The Spartans have just scored to take the three-point lead --unranked this late in the season, they are poised to upset the No. 5 ranked Lions. But Michigan State Coach George Perles elects to kick the ball deep -- the voice of play-by-play announcer Bill Zimpfer takes over.
Tisen Thomas catches the ball at the goal line. He's got blockers in front of him . . .
The Spartan fans are rabid. They're all ready to storm the field, tear down their goal posts and parade through the streets of East Lansing. They are so excited they throw their Spartan mascot over the stadium wall after passing it up the stands.
Thomas breaks through the first wall of defenders. He's at the 25 . . . the 30 . . . he breaks a tackle at the 35 . . .
Penn State fans watching the game stand at their doors --ready to charge Beaver Stadium. If the Lions are going to the Rose Bowl, then the goal posts are going to JoePa's house -- again.
Thomas cuts back at the 50. He's at the 45. Only one man to beat . . .
It's bedlam at the ESPN studios. It's almost 7 p.m. -- Dan Patrick and Chris Myers have already put the SportsCenter highlight package together on a Spartan upset. At the top of his lungs Patrick screams, "Tackle him!"
Thomas breaks away at the 35 . . .
Eight seconds on the clock with nothing in front of Thomas but open field -- and whatever it is that fans throw in Spartan Stadium -- probably some combination of marshmallows, plastic cups and smoke bombs (Oh wait -- that's what's thrown in Beaver Stadium).
Thomas scores! No time left on the clock! Penn State's going to Pasadena in its first Big Ten season!
Penn State players get mobbed by reporters. Tisen Thomas screams, "I'm going to Disney World!"
JoePa gets the obligatory Gatorade bath and rides off the field on his players' shoulders. Some reporters manage to get an interview with the legendary coach after the celebration.
An out-of-breath JoePa looks squarely into the ESPN camera and says . . .
"Da-da-dah -- Da-da-dah!"
The ultimate SportsCenter highlight.
