I am a victim of a sexual assault. A sexual assault which, given the circumstances, could have led to a rape if I wasn't fortunate enough to fight myself loose and get away. I want to take this opportunity to expose the campus community to my assault because the man who committed this assault with intent to perform sexual acts is a member of a fraternity. His fraternity appeared in the recent flier which targets places where rapes have been reported. It just scares me to know that his fraternity has been reported to be one of the more popular places where rapes occur, and women still trust the men at his fraternity enough to attend parties there.

My sexual assault is different in respect to the stereotype -- fraternity parties, alcohol and sex, for I was assaulted in a dorm room by a fraternity member with no alcohol present. A fraternity member who I trusted and who was supposed to be my FRIEND. For those women who have never experienced sexual assault or rape and for those men who never will, let me reiterate my story.

January 1992, I was in my friend's dorm room sitting on his bed listening to him playing his guitar to the loud background music playing from the cassette player. I reached down to pick up something that was laying on the floor and the next thing I recall was me being flat on my back on his bed and my friend was on top of me. I was shocked. Afraid. I never thought I would be placed in this type of situation. I had a guy more than 6 feet tall weighing 220 pounds throwing his body weight on me and thrusting his fist in personal areas of my body. Why didn't I scream? I tried, but the loud background music covered up my screams. I struggled. I kept thinking that if I didn't get out of here I was going to get raped. He kept saying, "I know you want it! Stop being a baby!" and "You have to have sex sometime." To this day, I still don't know how I got away. All I know is that as soon as I broke free, I ran like hell.

Many people might be thinking that I was asking for it. I even thought it was my fault. Instead of asking the help of a counselor like my resident assistant suggested, I contemplated suicide. I found myself one week after the assault holding a bottle of pills but instead of taking them I threw a tantrum (throwing books and papers across the floor) and finally cried myself to sleep on the bathroom floor.

After several weeks, I decided to move on with my life, but I knew I had to deal with the fact that I was sexually assaulted. Developing a stereotype of fraternity men and rape/assault in my head, I began a new life with a great guy. The relationship didn't last that long. I started to receive harassing phone calls from the man who sexually assaulted me. The content of the calls dealt with him saying he saw me on campus, asking me if I'm really happy and if I'm sure I'm happy with this new guy. One call he invited me to a party at his fraternity and asked me if I was afraid that I was going to get gang raped. Scared and frightened, I turned to alcohol which eventually shattered my relationship and my life.

The harassment eventually stopped and my alcohol abuse has also stopped. Today I find myself leading a normal life. I have just been invited into a sorority where I find myself in contact with members of fraternities. In fact, some of my closest friends are members of a fraternity whose name did not appear on the flier. I trust the brothers there because they all know me and know what I've been through. They are like family to me. However, I am in contact with fraternities where I don't know any brothers and that frightens me when my sorority goes there.

Will educating fraternity members really prevent rapes in the future? I don't think so. The guy who assaulted me attended rape programs sponsored by other fraternities, and look at him. He never blinked an eye or thought twice about rape and its consequences. Think about it! All the rape programs in the world won't stop a rapist or a person who is willing to commit sexual assault, because the people who commit these acts are sick and have no feelings or remorse for the victims of their crime. The only thing they think about is satisfying their own innermost desires and pleasures and NOTHING WILL STOP A RAPIST FROM GETTING WHAT HE WANTS!